It was a perfectly clear day. The sun was out and there wasn't a single cloud in the sky. The softest of breezes kept away any thought of it being too humid, and the weather was the kind that made anyone, young or old, want to go outside. Smooth jazz seeped from the car radio. I turned it off. It didn't seem to fit for a day like today. As I drove, I saw two glum little boys sitting at a table with a sign that read _Lemonade Stand. _She had always been so good with kids. I turned around and left my car running as I pulled up beside them. Grabbing some cash, I hopped out and plastered a big smile on my face. After all, I didn't have to be at the gathering till two o' clock, and I had always prided myself on being a kind person who would help little kids. The boys immediately stood, smiling at each other, and took my order. I grabbed a brownie and a glass of lemonade, my total coming out to $1.75. Their jaws dropped when I slipped them a twenty and told them to keep the change. Then I saw the words in smaller print on the edge of the sign, _All proceeds to the Esther Hanson cause for drunk driving awareness. _

_"_Esther Hanson?" I asked, a lump forming in my throat. I hadn't said those words aloud since before. Memories came along with them.

_Her laugh, a musical sound that made everyone around her want to be in on the joke. The stars twinkling overhead as we sat on the bench gazing upward. Her head, coming to rest on my shoulder as I put my my arm around her shoulders. Talking about the future. The future that would would never -_

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I forced myself to not think about the end of that sentence. The boys smiled and nodded as answer to my question. I took the glass and neatly wrapped chocolate dessert in my shaking hands, flashed a smile that I hoped looked friendly, and climbed into the driver's seat, practically in a daze. After that, I drove straight to my destination without any further detours. My hands gripped the steering wheel as I tried to breath. I reached for the dial on the radio and turned the jazz back on. Anything to distract me from the words that threatened to drown me. _You could've stopped it. Drove her home. Taken a different way. Waited a little longer, sitting on that bench. Not insisted that it was getting too late. Because of you she's -_

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Jazz. Focus on the music. Three songs later my head finally stopped spinning and I turned to gaze out my window once again. Everyone seemed to be happy. A family laughed as they ate a picnic in the park. Older couples walked the sidewalks holding hands, as if that was all they had to do today. Teenagers biked up and down through the winding roads between neighborhoods, calling out to their friends. It felt like forever since I had been a boy in middle school, riding my bike on a nice Saturday afternoon. Everywhere I looked people were enjoying the perfect day. A small smile played at the corners of my own lips. I couldn't help it, the joy was contagious. I rolled down my window, letting the birds' songs and jazz from the radio fill my ears. I hummed along with the music and it was almost perfect. For a moment I almost forgot. Not that I could ever forget. I reached the edge of town and joined the surging traffic that surged over the bridge. The rays of sun glistening on the surface of the bay brought happier, safer memories, that I welcomed.

_Me and her, kayaking in the early morning, because she had insisted that we woke up at the crack of dawn to catch the sunrise. Sitting on a boat on Independence Day and watching fireworks over the water. The red, white, and blue sparks that had illuminated her smiling face. Dinner with our families in the little restraunt that sat on the shore. _

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Now I felt the tug of a genuine smile. Leaving the bay behind I clung desperately to the faint glimmer of hope that seemed be fading more and more each second without her.

_Saying goodbye, her pulling out onto the highway. The last glimpse of her I would ever get. That night. Waking up to my ringing phone. The realization. The accident. The drunk driver. It had been quick they said. Painless -_

"The destination is on your left," announced the monotone GPS jolting me from the nightmare I would never truly wake up from.

The parking lot was empty. I tried to hold back tears. Something told me I would be doing a lot of that today.

I had arrived.

At the funeral home.