Most people love fall. I’m not most people.

Autumn always leaves me with a gnawing, gut wrenching dread. Every year is the same. I always lose someone I love.

Last fall, my mom died in a car accident. The year before that, my girlfriend of three years spontaneously broke up with me. The one before that, my best friend just stopped talking to me.

This year, I’m not going to let anything take me by surprise. I’ve accepted the fact that I am subject to lose something during fall, but maybe I can choose it this year. I would rather willingly say goodbye to someone I love than suddenly lose them.

So as I walk up the stairs, coming closer and closer to my girlfriend and I’s apartment, I know what has to be done.

I take a deep breath, turn the lock, and walk through the door. I glance through the dirty window, feeling like one of the leaves on the tree-destined to fall off at some point, but naively clinging on in hope of more time.

I call out my girlfriends name, sighing. Normally she comes and greets me immediately when I get home.

Nothing but the agressive ticking of the clock is audible.

“Baby?” I call again, beginning to get worried. I pace around the apartment, the ticking of the clock getting louder with each tick.

I see her sitting peacefully on the couch, the clock quieting. She glances up and smiles.

“Hey, Rose. How are you feeling?” She says softly, sensing my distress. I sigh and sit down next to her, holding her hand in my lap.

“I’m feeling…” I start, unsure what to say. I really don’t want to hurt her. We’ve been dating for so long, and our relationship is so strong… It would be a shame to do what I am going to.

But it’s autumn. Things need to be done.

I take a deep breath and start again. She closes her book and puts it on the coffee table.

“You know I really love you.” I say quietly, timidly even.

“What’s going on, Rose?” She asks.

This is for the best. I need to do this. This way, I can make sure no one dies.

“Babe…” I say. “We need to give our dog up for adoption.”