“No no no no no, you’re gonna listen to me!” Sharon followed Dave through the archway of his room, making it impossible to close her out.

“Can I help you?” He asked, irked.

“Did you hear what I said?”

“The judgy message you are all but blaring at me with a bullhorn? Nope. Missed it.” He plopped onto his bed, trying to disengage.

“Be serious for two seconds. I just— I can’t believe you’re going with her!”

Dave almost snorted. “Going with?’ What does that even mean?”

“It what mom and dad used to say… I’m trying to…” her words ran aground. She shook her head. “Fine. I can’t believe you’re fucking her!”

“…ew?”

“Am I wrong?”

He thought for a strangely long moment, then, “I like to think of it as…making love-“

“Okay now ew.” She shook her head. “Look… who you… do that with is your business-“

“Aw, thanks sis,” his words rolled their eyes.

“-But— I’m your older sister, and it’s my job to look out for you when you’re being an idiot. And you seem pretty idiot being led into the same dick-bear-trap that so many guys do.”

He mulled over her creative imagery.

“Which is…?”

“She’s crazy. And you never stick-“

“Don’t start. You don’t know her. And besides, you’re talking like you know an awful lot about the male dating experience when you are, as far as anyone’s aware… a lady.”

“And as a ‘lady’ I hear things. Things others ‘ladies’ spread around. Little red flags or warning signs. Just… do me this favor and trust me… it can’t be worth it…”

He seemed to mull it over then waved her off. “Okay, I’ll- I’ll think on it. Now would you please vamoose? Christ.”

She kissed the top of his head and did as he asked.

He held out a full fourteen minutes before texting said crazy girl. It would take him another month to understand why she had warned him. And you’d better believe that she rubbed it in his face.