I hate Catholic school. It’s so far away, my friends live even farther, and there are no boys. Okay, sure, I get to see a few afte rschool at track practice, but then I’m sweaty and maybe a little stinky, and I’m not even that fast, so they never run with me.

Have you ever seen Cruel Intentions? Man, I know those girls were not the ideal, but their uniforms really made an impression on me. I make sure my skirt pleats are ironed, and I choose the blue sweater over my crisp white polo over a hoodie, like those slobs. I mean, how do they not care what they look like? They say, “oh! We’re just around other girls!” But, still! Have a little pride in your appearance!

I mean, the pretty girls can get away with it. Some of these girls are so naturally beautiful, it doesn’t matter what they wear. The tall ones, too. The ones who modeled for Abercrombie. Well, that’s not me. I make sure my uniform is perfect, but of course, I have to style it.

One year I wore knee high socks, one year I went throfting every weekend for interesting earrings, and there was also the time I converted the knee highs into arm warmers. Okay, maybe, looking back, that wasn’t the best move, but it’s important to look nice, but also unique. At least, that’s what this astrology book at Barnes & Noble’s said about Aquarians, and that’s definitely me.