If only she knew

I tried my best

I was afraid of the outcome

I shut off

I shut down

I distanced myself to save myself

I grew cold

I regret

I didn’t get her the cat nip

I didn’t record her purrs

I still reach out to her

Her last cries haunt me

If only she knew

I’m sorry every day since

I hate the relief after she was gone

The freedom

The guilt

If only she knew

I didn’t want her to go

I didn’t want her to suffer

I wanted to do more

If only she knew

(For my Tabby Girl: Morgan le Fey 2003-2019. May you frolic with Grumpy Cat and Lil’ Bub)