Your words wound me deeply,

But your silence hurts even more.

When you yell, I know you’re angry.

Because we’ve been there before.

When you say nothing at all,

Just shake your head and stare.

I feel my heart drop and fall.

You almost can’t even care.

We’ve gone through this stuff,

And you told me to stop then.

But quitting it was too tough.

“I was going to tell you.” “When?”

“You should’ve been stronger.”

My inner demons start to taunt.

I couldn’t hold on much longer,

Now anger is something I want.

Instead I get something worse.

A quiet and disappointed look.

I feel its weight on me like a curse.

My guts are impaled by a hook,

By the intense guilt that I feel.

The overwhelming unworthiness.

I want to apologize to you for real,

But I know that I’ll make a bigger mess.

So I hide the tears in my eyes.

And turn my head to the floor.

“I’m through with all the lies.”

And you walk right out the door.

“I’ll do better Dad, I promise.”

And I’ll show you when I do.

You raised me better than this.

And I’m going to prove it to you.