You looked at me in agony and told the doctor it was time.

I felt my entire body turn warm and a few subtle tears stream down my cheeks. I held your hand tighter than I’d ever done before and could feel each of your nerves dying down one by one. I felt your warmth slowly running away and my palm chasing it. I saw relief in your face, as if this was the longest you could’ve held on for. I saw your beautifully sun kissed face turn pale and weak.

I felt my heart cry out, as if it couldn’t take the pain it had to endure. I let myself go with you. I felt as though I saw the light too, as if I crossed over into whatever afterlife you entered. I felt my life fall apart in a split second and then it happened.

The Doctor said you were gone. I felt numb. My adrenaline was pumping so fast that I couldn’t register anything that happened. I sat next to you for hours, feeling empty. I couldn’t feel your contagious excitement or overwhelming feeling of happiness.

I felt empty. I felt like you were trying to tell me something but I’d never hear it, like I couldn’t continue... I felt like I couldn’t continue life itself. Waking up everyday and knowing I’d never feel your precious touch or hear your soothing voice. It broke me. It broke me so much that I felt like my walls were shattering. Like everything was falling apart. Falling into pieces so small I’d never be able to fit it back together.

I still wake up needing you. More days than not. Everyday seems dark, and I can’t help but wonder when the sun will shine again.