WRITING OBSTACLE
Brutal. Foolish. Welcome.
Create a character inspired by these three words. You don't have to use them within the writing, but it should be clear which character traits link to these words.
WRITING OBSTACLE
Brutal. Foolish. Welcome.
Create a character inspired by these three words. You don't have to use them within the writing, but it should be clear which character traits link to these words.
Love it. You captured her character perfectly.
Lose the first line - we'll learn her name soon enough. Is sun shining through the curtains “rash?” I'd reconsider that adjective. When I think of something being rash, I think of impulsive, maybe reckless. Why do people laugh at her - is she sarcastic or does she sound stupid? That passage is a little wordy. Here's my take -
Dakota didn't lie. It was not even possible for her. She'd mutter brash comments almost under her breath. If somebody heard, they'd laugh. Her sense of humor was vicious.
The rest is a lot of “telling.” I like where you're going with the character and you're good with metaphors. Try a rewrite, foolishness is easy enough to show with her behavior or speech (as in: she was tipping bulls at 10 years old... Bad example, sorry). Let somebody enjoy watching her smile then your readers can enjoy it, too. Was the sun through the curtains repeated metaphor intentional? Try, “just like that sun filtering through those curtains,” so that readers get the connection.
Sun filtering through curtains can be warming, brightening, annoying, headache enduring, soothing, therapeutic, too much light, detestable, loved, hated, ignored, ... If I were using a metaphor this early in story I would want the juxtaposition between part a and part b to be vivid, unmistakable, using the strongest language to elucidate exactly what you want to say about the character.
But that's just my opinion.