The Case Of The Dame In The Train Depot

“Well first of all, your honor, I just want to put it on record that this is all a HUGE misunderstanding.”

Judge Horace P. Doowit just stared at me over his reading glasses for a moment and then picked up the papers in front of him. “Says here you were picked up at the train depot and near as Deputy Lawrence could tell, you were higher than a kite and practically naked. True or not true?”

“Well, technically, when you read the arrest stuff that is true but.....”

“Miss Northrop, is it or is it not true? A simple yes or no will suffice.”

I paused and then sighed. “True. Or at least the part about the train station is true. Johnny, sorry, Deputy Lawrence DID pick me up at the train station but I was just sitting on the bench minding my own business and he came tearing in and yelling at me. Did he put THAT on those papers? He had no business...”

“Candace....uh...Miss Northrop, we have established that Johnny, er Deputy Lawrence, did come to the train station, found you actually asleep on a bench, which is a lot different than “just sitting there”, right?”

“Look. I admit I was sleeping. But really the “higher than a kite” is just mean. Can I just please explain? Because this has gotten way out of hand it makes me look like I am on drugs or something.”

Judge Doowit did the staring-over-glasses thing again and then said to me, “ You have 2 minutes to make your case. It’s too close to lunchtime to spend any more time on this mess.”

“Okay then. I went in yesterday to see Doc Henson because of a really bad toothache. One of those that make your eyes water and you want to rip out your hair. You know?”

The judge just made a get on with it gesture.

“Anyway, he had to do a root canal and it was still infected so he gave me some pain pills. He told me to only take them as needed. Well I NEEDED those suckers. And they were prescriptions so I just assumed “as needed” meant exactly that. I think I overdid it and then crawled into bed. Johnny, I mean Deputy Lawrence, knows all this since as you are aware we do live together. Those pills did a real job on me and I guess I did some crazy stuff. Sometime around midnight I got in the car and drove to the depot. I was dreaming about taking a trip and then the next thing I knew Johnny was screaming at me and I woke up on that bench dressed only in my nightie and he ARRESTED me!”

Judge Doowit looked over at Johnny Lawrence who was sitting in the front of the courtroom. “Are you kidding me? Is this all true?”

Johnny looked a bit sheepish by now. “Yessir. But gosh! What guy wouldn’t get riled up about finding his fiancee half naked asleep on a bench at the train station and acting really nutty? I just figured I could teach her a lesson.”

“A bit of overkill, Johnny. REALLY? Arresting me?”

“As far as I’m concerned, this case is dismissed”, said Judge Doowit. “And you two are to head home and make amends to each other. No more foolishness in my courtroom, you hear?”

I jumped off the witness stand and ran over to the judge’s bench and threw my arms around the judge.

“Thanks, Gramps”, I said and laid a big old kiss on his cheek. “Come on, Johnny. You owe me lunch at the Corner Cafe.”

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