The hardest part was not knowing where to start.

“You’re either the most optimistic person I know,” Riley said with amusement, “or the most stubborn.”

I watched her, quiet, as she surveyed my work. She ran her hand gently along one of the red strings pinned into my board, following the frayed edges from one photo (Miles, Halloween, 2016) to the other (Honda Civic, Hartfield Bridge, 2020). I twitched, resisting the urge to knock her hand away.

“Yeah, well.” I folded my arms to avoid reaching out. “At least I’m doing something.”

“That is true. You are indeed the only one doing anything.” She sighed dramatically. “Of course, you wouldn’t be alone if I was still around. But c’est la vie, I guess.”

I narrowed me eyes. “If you were still around, I wouldn’t be. So.”

She gasped in mock horror. “Don’t say that! We could’ve had a classic enemies to lovers story, you and I. Taking on the world together- romantic, don’t you think?”

My chest tightened. “Whatever. Are you done?”

“Touching your stuff?” She asked, grazing her finger along another string, this one blue. Her eyes were pitch black, empty, but somehow I could still tell she was laughing at me. “Never.”

“Fuck you.”

“Language!”

Ignoring her, I walked the small foot of space around my bed and reached for my phone in the dark. The light in my studio apartment was dim, as it had been for the past two months now. The table lamp- that had originally been next to my bed and was now being used to light up the wall across from it instead- was definitely due for a bulb change; but I couldn’t bring myself to care. Delivery food boxes were piled in the corner and strewn across the rest of the room, along with dirty clothes. The kitchenette was mostly clean (thanks to the delivery food) but the bathroom... was another story.

Better not to think about it.

Anyway, there was no time to worry about any of that. The clock was ticking. Whether he was alive or not, Miles needed me. I was going to find him. One way or another.

“You shouldn’t push yourself so hard.” The last time we saw each other it had been winter and we’d been quick to duck into the University Center Cafe. With a hot cup of cocoa warming his hands, he’d said, “It’s okay if you don’t think like everyone else- as long as you treat them well, and vice versa.”

I’d rolled my eyes at him, nursing my own cup between chilly palms (I wasn’t allowed coffee anymore- bad for my recovery). “If you’re asking me to be nice you don’t have to worry- I’m being very nice. Even to the people who don’t deserve it.”

He’d smiled at that. “I’m sure. I know you’ve been doing better but... you know. After everything that happened with Riley-“ He paused, thinking better of it. “I just can’t help but worry.”

On cue, a voice whispered behind me, “Aww, how cute! He’s still just as sweet as I remember. It’s a shame we didn’t get to spend more time together.” A hand ghosted along my neck. “You know. Before you killed me.”

I’d taken a long sip of my drink, doing my best to ignore her presence on my shoulder. It was too hot, burned my tongue, but I liked it. It felt good. Grounding. “I know.” I’d poked his arm playfully, trying to fix the mood. “I think you should be more worried about yourself, though. You look exhausted.”

He had. If only I’d known why.

“Don’t worry about me, Mia,” he’d said, brushing me off. “I’ll be fine. Just focus on school, okay?”

I’d smiled back, trying to ignore my gut feeling that I SHOULD worry about him. That I needed to. Instead I just said, “Okay.”

Three days later I got the call that he hadn’t come to work. They found his car abandoned by the bridge, said it was suicide. I told them it wasn’t. Then slowly, one by one, everyone else gave up. But not me. Never.

Finally my fingers touched the cool glass of a screen, snapping me out of my memories. It lit up, the sudden brightness making me squint. I grabbed it, quickly reading the notification.

YOUR PACKAGE HAS BEEN DELIVERED

My grip tightened. The hardest part was not knowing where to start.

“The easiest part, though?” Riley’s voice echoed around me. “Will be ending it.”