The rain whipped my face as my legs carried me home. The sound of my breathe, my feet hitting the pavement is all I heard as I ran down the busy street. A few people stopped, some cursed as i pushed by them and others stared while probably assuming I was missing the last train near by. While it wasnt the latter I had to get as far away as possib-

"Woah!-"

Before I knew it I was on the ground, my hands and ass stinging from taking the brunt of the fall. "I-I'm so sorry," I stammered, quickly pushing myself up as the person turned around. "I was in a rush..."

"You need to pay more attention, y'know. Youre lucky it was me." He chuckled. "I got your text and was on my way to you, are you okay?"

"Yes, of course. Why wouldn't I be Rowan?" I asked, a nervous giggle escaped and immediately I knew I fucked up.

"Well it's a wednesday night to start off, and it's pouring. As much as you love the rain I know you hate to get caught up in it. So what's wrong?" He questioned again, his eyebrows furrowing slightly before a spark went off in his eyes. "Please, please don't tell me you've done anything before our trip"

"I-" For a moment I began to come up with an elaborate lie but I already know in a few hours, or maybe even a day or two that it'll catch up. "There's something thats wrong. Every time I see you I don't know what to do. Literally. My chest gets tight, which makes it hard to breathe and the closer you are to me the more my lungs burn and suffocate. My brain no longer knows how to cumminicate to the rest of my body properly. I've spent so much time learning you, your favorite foods, colors, animals. We've opened up about our hurt, trauma, and grief. Yet I feel like I'm nothing but a doorstop." I couldnt tell at this point whether or not I was crying, the pool of water streaming down my face made it hard to see.

"For years I've been by your side. Gone through thick and thin for you. Tore myself apart to keep you from bleeding and leaving, and still I go unnoticed. Instead I have to befriend every new girlfriend and what makes it worse is that they do make you so incredibly happy. Sometimes happier than I think Im ever capable of doing. For once, just once. I wish you'd notice me. I wish it didnt take this to happen in order to be seen by you. I had dreams and expectations but that's all they ever were, dreams and stupid ass-"

When his lips crashed against mine it felt disingenuous, as if pity was melting off his lips and onto mine leaving a repulsive taste. But the longer we kissed the more it changed. His hands cupped my face gracefully. His thumbs a tiny wind shield wiper for my flushed chocolate skin. I pulled away when everything finally sunk in, only for him to then wrap me in his embrace to capture my lips again. Even with me hitting his chest, he didnt let up.

"Angelice, please." He mumbled against my lips. And it was all he needed to say for me to cave in. I'll be the first to admit that I cried into the kiss for who knows how long. His soft whispers of "I'm sorry." Soothing over every cut that's been made. After a few minutes he pulled away, his regretful eyes catching mine as he slid his hands into mine. As we stood there in the rain I could feel my heart running a race that time would not abide by. "Why didn't you tell me this sooner? You know I don't take hints and subtly very well. If you opened up to me sooner things could of been so different, but I cant Angelice. You out of all people know that... You helped me pick the ring, where I should propose, everything. And now you want me to drop everything to give us a chance? I can't. I love her, and want to spend the rest of my life with her. I'll always appreciate everything you've done for me, and never once I have I taken it for granted. You've been my rock, my best friend, and a trusted confedant for over a decade. You'll always have a special place in my heart."

And just like that, my wounds were ripped open again. "Why would-" I began to question as anger filled my body once again. "I don't understand," my words were barely audible as i choked them out. "Why kiss me, why let me feel vulnerable like this? You could of just rejected me, you werent helping or- or even doing anything good by kissing me and telling me you can't give us a chance. Please, Rowan. You're making a grave mistake, nothing good is going to come from you marrying her. I only helped because I didn't think you'd actually go through with it. How many time's have we've planned your proposals to girls?" I angrily cried out taking a few steps back from him.

"You said it yourself, I'm happy Ang. Guin, she understands me like no else does. She talks me down without enabling me, and even when I'm at my lowest her presence and kind words can pull me out of anything because she's patient with me. She doesnt have these high standards and expectations like everyone else. I dont have to feel like I'm putting on a front just to feel normal around people. I can truly be my most authentic self with her and I honestly don't know if I can get that with anyone else, not even you." The saddness in his eyes when he spoke his last few words made two of the thousand daggers in my chest feel a million times more painful.

I was a lost for words as I slowly continued to back away from him, holding and trying to hide my face as I continued to cry and try to process everything he's said. I was never the one for him, no matter how much I tried, and no matter what I did he could never love me. If I wasn't able to decode him after twelve years how did someone manage to do it in months? What was so special about her? I did everything right, I planned everything down to a T. He was supposed to be mine now. Not trying to abandon me for another girl.

"Angelice, lets go inside somewhere please. We're going to get sick if we continue to stand in this rain. Let's head over to Dave's for some coffee and food. We could talk more inside." He offered his hand and I immediately smacked it away in disgust, looking into his eyes like a green eyed monster. The only thing that filled me was disgust, anger, sadness, and abandonment.

"When were you going to tell me you were moving to San Diego instead of taking a businnes trip out there with Guinevere? Why did I have to find that out from her?" His eyes filled with surprise, then a bit of worry as it clicked in his head.

"You seen her tonight..? What did you do Angelice?" His voice became more stern as he took a step closer to me, his left hand flexing and clenching.

"You know, at least I can say she really did put up a good front to fool you into thinking she loved you. But as always I had your back and saved you from making a mistake. She was just using you Rowan, she found out who your family actually was and was going to marry you just to divorce you and take everything you worked so hard to build because she thought it was inheritence. 'He's a spoiled rich kid.' She said. 'He can go to his parents and figure it out while the rest of us have to claw our way for the bare minimum.'" I grabbed my throat wondering why it felt like my tongue was blocking me from breathing properly.

"What the hell are you talking about Ang! Guin would never do something like to me. What did you do to her? Is she okay?!" He grabbed my shoulders shaking me a bit as spots appeared and disappeared from my view. Something was off and I didnt know what. Ive fainted before but this felt completly different.

"I-I" I stammered before throwing up on his shirt. My eyes widened as the red liquid partially washed off his shirt onto the pavement below us.

As his eyes caught mine they widened in fear. Time seemed to freeze at times and go slow motion from there on out. "Angelice, stay with me!"

"I didn't- I didn't mean hurt her." I choked out as I tasted iron and a warm liquid fill my mouth. I didn't know if I was standing up or on the ground. My entire body went numb as everything flashed behind my closed eyes. I could barely manage to comprehend what was going on before it completely fell dark and silent.