Cancer

Waves wash over me. I have no eyes. I have no face. I have existed always or I have only just come into existence.

It was like this before they resurrected me. I had found peace, after hundreds of years of life, life after life, endless struggle and pain. They brought me back for one last war. Now I'm here, deep in the ocean in my aquatic form, a crab, my human form transmuted and intermixed with the chitin of my shell.

It's enough like the Empyrean here, resting, letting barnacles grow on my back. At any time I could leave the water. Find my widow, Io, my sons, Byrn, Caenis, and Ampyx. But I'd only be setting the whole wheel in motion again, and that's not what I want.

The other alternative is to end my life, burying myself or asking someone to end it for me. That seems too brutal and painful. This is enough, just to be here, half buried under sand.

I'm not angry with them, Capricorn, Libra, Gemini, or Scorpio. They did what they had to do, what seemed right in the moment. It's just, they don't have to go through it; I do. It's me alone.

All those times we sacrificed, we saved the world, defeated the most evil forces and creatures... what was it for? It feels like nothing. This last war in Cuahalan, the death of Aquarius, Abaddon, just children scuffling on a playground. No one wins, nothing is accomplished.

Pisces is calling to me, from somewhere on land. She wants my help to clean the waterways, fix the blockade Gemini created, and join their reconstruction government. More work, more struggle, more pain. I don't answer.

A week goes by and she finds me, in her fish form. I'm nearly buried in pebbles and sand, and ignore her until she disrupts my pile completely. "You can't stay down here forever," Pisces demands telepathically. "Come back, help us. You might as well."

My answer is harsher than I mean it to be. "I have no part of your world and I have given everything. Beyond everything. No. I will not return and I will not help you."

"Cancer," Pisces pleads, "you're the only one left I can trust. You have to help me. Please. If I've ever meant anything to you."

I'm following her to the surface even before she finishes her sentence.