I stood there, staring at my reflection. A version of myself reflecting back. I took in the turquoise eyes.

The honey blonde hair.

The high cheek bones.

So many good qualities, beautiful qualities.

I also took in the unsymmetrical jaw, cheeks and lips.

The larger-for-my face nose.

The larger-than-four-fingers forehead.

Qualities I wish I could change.

Then I looked deep into the eyes of my reflection.

I could see the big heart- willing to sacrifice anything and everything for her loved ones, even strangers.

Could see the same heart, surrounded by walls, chains, a lock and key. Not willing to open truly to a lover, a partner.

I could see the life, laughter and kindness dancing to a beautiful song in a beautiful forest.

But I could also see the darkness, the anger, the lies.

It was as if two souls were trapped in one body. Life and Death. Ting and Yang. Light and Dark.

Two souls, fighting for a chance to surface and show face.

The inner battle of one being.

The angels and demons at war for ownership.

I could see the innocent child, full of creativity and wonder. Full of happiness.

But I could also see the burnt our young adult who stood in the reflection.

The sadness. The tiredness. The defeats.

It was written in the lines across her face, the stains of purple and blue beneath her eyes. The shadows in those eyes.

A constant battle.

Inside and out.

Another day, another mask.

I could see everything about the young woman standing in front of me.

And I didn’t know if I loved her. Or hated her.