I didn’t want to do this.

I never thought

I would actually do this to myself.

I never thought I could do this

to anyone else,

especially those who I know

did nothing wrong.

But their rights

couldn’t cancel out the wrongs.

I wish they did.

I wish for nothing more

then to still be by your side.

It doesn’t matter who you are.

You reading this

could have been someone special.

Or you could have been

the one I hated most.

Either way, it doesn’t matter.

I didn’t want to leave you behind.

Even though I did this,

I put myself through this,

it does not mean this was my choice.

That little girl I longed to return to

never would have wanted this.

She would be so disappointed and angered

by who I turned her into.

I just wish I could have found a way

to plunge a hole into this tank

I have been drowning in.

I could have drained out the water

and given myself the chance to breathe.

Maybe then she would be proud,

but I ultimately did nothing but fail her.

I did the best I could.

I hope you know that.

I hope you remember me

as someone who did

their very best to live.

Not as someone

who was too weak to keep pushing.

But still, I pray

that every night

or day,

you will find it in yourself

to fall asleep without me.

I wish I could have warned you

or at least prepared you

for what would come next.

But even though I missed that chance,

you can still fall asleep without me.

I hope you know,

that you could never truly

fall asleep without me.

When your heart feels full,

you can thank me.

I will always be here

to restore your love.

When your hand feels empty,

I won’t let you feel lonely

any longer than that.

You can trust me when I say

I will still rush to your side

and hold onto you tight.

I will always be here for you,

no matter who you are.

Just sadly, despite your support,

my body could not live on.

But my love for you will.

My love for you

will never surrender,

even if my heart

had to stop beating.