The crowd looked up at me in awe, and I was speechless, it was as if I was standing in a room naked. I felt my heart sink and the room span, as I clenched the rostrum. What the fuck had happened? One minute I was in bed watching porn hub, the next moment here I am in a room full of strangers dressed in suits from the 1920s

“What happened next Dr Jung?” Asked a young woman in the front row.

I looked down, after all I couldn’t really discuss what Lisa Anne had been doing in the bathroom with Johnny big dick...the problem was, what the fuck could I talk about? Because all really knew anything about were the life of Brian and Monty Python Star Trek and Pink Floyd. ...

I decided to go with a safe bet.

Well, you see life is...essentially a piece of shit. It is when you look at it.”

“Is it?” Asked a man with a long beard

“Yes. It is, it’s a laugh a joke, can we expect to find any real intelligent beings on this planet?”

“Well it all depends upon how you define intelligence don’t you think?” Asked a man with red hair and a touch of belligerence in his voice. I was caught off guard then...I felt I had been sussed. I carried on feeling the sweat form on my neck.

“That is actually a very good point. But having intelligence, is a bit like having a huge penis. Just because you have one, doesn’t necessarily mean you know what to do with it.”

The man with the pointed beard looked at me quizzically. His eyes narrowed and then he smiled, as he wrote something in his book.

“Take, for example, the Vulcans.”

“Who are the Vulcans?”

“A race I dreamed of...”I hoped to god this was some weird fucking dream “....They purged themselves of emotion, but in the end became a slave to their ideals, they lost the ability to feel and...”

‘-Mr Jung’ the man with the pointed beard looked at me sternly

I gulped

‘Yes...’ well what else could I say?

‘What has purging emotions got to do with life being shit? How can we purge ourselves of our feelings? If we did this, we would all become psychopathic and narcissistic. I think, sir, you are talking utter bollocks.’

‘I was about to say it is a dangerous path, like the path of the Ferengi, tiny men with money problems.’

‘You’re off your head mate’ came another voice from the crowd.

‘What I was going to say was you don’t have to follow me, or the eminent Dr Freud, you don’t have to follow anyone, all you have to do, is work it out for yourself see?’

‘I paid 20 Swiss marks for this?’

‘I want my money back!’

I held onto my head and the room faded