“It‘s hard being inconspicuous when you‘re hanging upside down“, he said. He should fucking chill. This is my mission, not his. Why did he need to come too? Ughhh!!! “Shut the fuck up, idiot. Nobody wanted you here“, i replied. He rolls his eyes. I whisper in his ear, “Stop rolling your stupid eyes at me. I told you i can handle this alone. No need to come with me.“ He looks surprised. The darkness doesn’t stop me from seeing him clearly. He wants to shout at me but stops himself. He whispers back, “What the fucking hell are you? Wonder woman? A wizzard? A werewolf? A vampire?“ I just laugh. I wonder why he hasn’t said anything about me hanging upside down still?

“Are you gonna say anything back or will you just laugh?“, he says again because i didn’t reply. „Well, if you demand to know… Yes, I am a vampire. No, i do not mind garlic. Yes, I love hanging upside down. Yes, i can turn into a bat and no, i will not show you unless necessary.“, i finally tell him. God, the look on his face, priceless. I‘ll forever treasure this moment. Yeah it‘s not uncommon to not be human anymore. I guess he just isn’t used to working with non-human creatures. “W-will y-you b-b-bite me?“, he barely gets out. Now i roll my eyes. Where are we? The 13th century? A bad movie? One of those rom-com books? He‘s such a stupid coward. Maybe i should play with him about this a bit. He would deserve it.

I giggle. He‘s still looking terrified. “Yes, i will bite you and suck you dry like you‘re a fucking raisin. That‘s why i tried so hard to lure you out on this spying mission!“, i say while coming closer to him. He lets out a muffled scream. Haha i got him. He wants to run but finds him trapped between a wall and me. I whisper, “Oh, you really can‘t take a joke? Your view on vampires is so outdated. I‘d never wanna try to eat an asshole like you. You‘d taste like toilet water for sure.“