I wish I had never let go.

Of my childhood joy and wonder,

the thrill of theatre and plays,

voicing my happiness in choir,

running my bow across the strings.

Bullies can be cruel,

ruining the experience of school.

I wish I had never let go.

Of saying what I wanted,

choosing for myself,

ignoring my mothers ideas,

my beliefs in life.

I felt like I had no other choice,

my future falling due to lack of voice.

I wish I had never let go.

Of taking risks and chances,

enjoying the feel of a racing heart,

watching your smile from across the room,

spending my time with you.

I wish we'd made amends from that fight,

before your passing into the light.

I wish I had never let go.

Of who I was,

and who I am,

where I dreamed I'd be,

what I wanted to do.

I figured it would all become clear,

instead I drowned in fear.

I wish I had never let go.

Of all the things I thought I was,

the beliefs I had of me,

dreams that fell apart,

and joy that drowned a death.

I've had a rough few years of it,

fighting and crawling out the pit.

And then I found you.

My fears became the past,

my loneliness became company,

my woe became my go,

my depression became my aggression.

I'd made some bad choices and had some bad advice,

now to turn the table and take back my life.

I wish I had never let go,

is now something I used to say,

as all those ideas of me are in the past,

and I've built myself from nothing.

The 'you' I found was simply me,

looking back in the tear stained mirror saying,

girl you got this, now go get it.