After what feels like hours of scrolling, there is finally a glimmer of hope. In the vast pool of dateable men near me, I finally come across one that isn’t just a “fun-loving guy that just wants to have a good time”. Really sir, I was hoping for a crotchety guy that loves going to the dmv.

This guy’s not shirtless or quoting something ridiculous from an action movie; he’s set himself apart from the crowd. His first picture is him overlooking the sky at sunset. His face nor his features are visible, just an intriguing shadowy figure.

I scroll down to see he is quite a bit older than me, but who says this is marriage? I just want someone to enjoy this time of my life with, eternal love can wait a little longer.

He works in finance, which could mean something great, or nothing really at all. I’ve been on dates with “finance guys” that worked the cash register at the drive through. He loves animals. Check. He loves sports and his favorite football team is mine too. Check and check. We even went to the same college, albeit in different decades, but it still counts.

I scroll back up to see the rest of his pictures now he’s passed my first test. I’ve learned the hard way not to fall in love with a pretty picture because the subject can be a prick.

The second picture is their point of view from the sideline at a football game. Our team is playing, but it’s not at their stadium. The third picture is them in a khaki suit with a white shirt, and pink tie. You can’t see his face, but he looks great. Like, could be mistaken for a twenty year old D1 kind of guy, great.

Just when the thought “he’s too good to be true” starts to creep into my mind I get to the fourth picture. My whole body feels like it collapses into the couch and my world around me goes black. All I can see is my phone screen showing his face. This face that has two major problems, and I don’t know which is worse. The first, I know for a fact this man is married. The second, he’s my dad.