The most high God is calling you and has the right path for you, but it seems like you are constantly running in the opposite direction. When you take the time to listen to his word, you realize that you are trying to flee from what called you in the first place. It is now time for you to listen to what truly calls you to be yourself. You are chasing the unattainable, embracing something not meant for you. If it is true and from the Lord, then that is what you need to return to.