I've been diagnosed with cancer they told me it's very aggressive. Meaning I might not pull through like I always do. I have 6 months before surgery to make sure my family and friends will be okay without me.

How does a little girl grow up without her mother? Will John even find someone to love once I'm gone? Who is gonna take over at my work? Who is gonna cook Saturday pancakes? Who is gonna make sure John knows where his keys are? He is forgetful of the little things. I'm gonna have to make a calendar for him or something. So many birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays without me.

I'm not ready to leave all of this behind. I can't leave them. I feel like Lizzy just took her first step yesterday and I caught her when she stumbled. Just yesterday John proposed in the most beautiful way so beautiful that I cried. I didn't think I was gonna cry but I did. And it feels like the day before that I got accepted in college and not too long before then I was just getting out of middle school.

I sat in the doctor's office sobbing over the end of my beginning.