Sometimes the only way to really forget something is to go to sleep. First, Jared would have to fall asleep.

It takes hours before he is, finally, in a light sleep but never fully reaching the REM phase. Every noise is an alarm bell sounding in his ear. The smallest light is an interrogation light blinding him from the room around him.

Jared takes his precautions. He has taped over every small light: the small blue light at the bottom of his television, the red numbers on the alarm clock, and small white light glowing from his charging laptop. He has put black out curtains on the windows, and turned off his cell phone. He has tried a sleep mask, but the feeling is just too much on his face. The material is too itchy, and his face feels claustrophobic. As for the sounds, he wears soft earplugs that go inside his ears to lessen the noises. All small sounds are now gone, but he can still hear cars revving their engines and doors slamming in his apartment complex. However, they aren’t as loud as they used to be.

Once he is ready to try and sleep, he lies in bed and slows his breathing. He breathes in for four counts and out for four counts. Focusing on his breathing helps Jared to sleep and not focus on the sounds.

That is until he remembers why lights and sounds keep him from sleep. He is then stuck in silence with only his thoughts to keep him company. The memories and anxiety become too much that he turns on the television and stays up all night.

It has been 4 months since Jared has gotten proper sleep. People are noticing especially his mom.

“Jared, honey, you need to talk to someone. It doesn’t have to be me, but you need to deal with this.”

She has said that sentence everyday for the past few weeks when she goes by to check on him or when they talk on the phone.

He knows she is right, but how can he trust anyone again? He doesn’t want to bother those he loves with his issues or make them worry even more. His mom doesn’t even know what is keeping him from sleep, and he sees how worried she is now.

Jared was running out of options, so when a guy in his political science class offered him something to help, Jared agreed.

So, that night when all was dark and silent except for his thoughts, he didn’t turn on the television. He swallowed two white pills, and was asleep in less than an hour.

Jared slept through the entire night without waking up for the first time in years. He felt amazing, but he was worried. The guy had only given him two pills.

“A trial run,” he said. “because you look like you need it. If you want more, you have to pay next time.”

Jared wasn’t sure how much he would have to pay, and he would go back to political science until the following day.

He would try to sleep tonight without the pills.

Jared had one of the most productive days he’d had in a long time. He cleaned his apartment, bought groceries, got caught up on homework, and his boss even complimented his work. Jared drove to his mom’s to visit her for a change. He was exhausted for the first time and not because he wasn’t sleeping. He felt accomplished and proud of himself.

However, after trying to sleep for three hours and failing, he turned on the television and stayed up all night. It seems his positive day couldn’t keep out the negative memories.

The next day, he made sure to take one hundred dollars in cash with him to class. He was going to get as many of those pills as he could.

It turns out that sleep really is the only way to forget, and the only way to sleep is from some white pills.