He’d been lying before, by truthfully, and shamelessly, his heart had waivered and knelt to ignore every single law he’d known since birth at the cost of kayaras’ reciprocate feelings. When this began, he did not know. All he knew at that point was a fatal disease within his head that would not cease its torture until something was done about it.

Any normal outsider would call this love, or some other form of a watered down term which just begins to sound like nature between two close people. No, not love. A phycological connection that twisted its roots so far deep into hamaes insides, it was impossible for kayaras to do the same.

His was a surface level understanding that had not yet reached that far.

It was a sick thought to be asking this of his right hand man in such a vulnerable state, fists closed against kayaras’ chest and head lowered in a pitiful manner anyone would have described as unbecoming of a noble.

There, weakly sat before kayaras’ form against a sturdy tree, as far as he could have dragged himself away from the fighting. They would have been caught eventually, but just for now, just for two minutes, they had time.

Even so, kayaras was in complete shock. All of this had hit him so suddenly in such a short time and it left him unsure or what to do or say.

Hamae’s breath was so heavy he thought he might have passed out right then and there, but through broken sounds and sobs, he managed to speak.

‘I’m sorry that-! I shouldn’t be-.. I should not..’

Kayaras’ hands remained hovering and shaking around the others doubled over form and became so close to caressing his back but paused once hamae’s croaked voice uttered something again.

‘I’m a disgrace to my king...,’

A pause.

‘…Kayaras, would you believe me if i said I’ve allowed myself to fall for your stupid antics?’

He quickly became confused, wondering why this was being brought up now. Hamae had always fallen for his antics. He’d always been patient.

‘I’ve become so deplorably weak for you, Kayaras.’

That previous confusion was cleared away now by something far worse. His hands remained ghosting around hamaes back, completely torn apart and overwhelmed by the swelling of his thoughts. He’d felt more things than he ever had before in those few seconds that he sat with a quivering lip, staring out at the trees ahead, so utterly defeated, defenseless.

How could he have been so unknowing? So blind?

And most of all, unprepared?

Having nothing to offer to hamaes confession, kayaras looked down at the top of his head, soaked by the rain, and remained in troubled silence.

Somewhere between those lines, he’d begun crying unknowingly. Out of what, Sadness? Pity?

Kayaras cursed himself because it was unclear. And also partly because he’d rarely cried before. There were two things the rain was good for previously; fruitful soil and keeping angry birds at bay.

Now, the third was hiding tears.

Even if hamae couldn’t really see them, it still felt humiliating to cry over something he should have, in theory, easily moved on with.

With an uneasy gut, at last, kayaras placed his wet hands on the nobles back, feeling how he began sobbing loudly again.

‘Don’t cry, please… my lord..’