Bartholomew "Barty" Buttercup, renowned paranormal investigator (in his own mind), adjusted his tinfoil hat and declared, 'The spirits tremble before my mighty EMF meter!' A couple of kids laughed at him. Unsurprisingly, this was not paranormal for Faehaven Manor, a popular tourist trap. Barty was swarmed in gadgets. He pulled a gadget that looked like a squirt gun glued on to a wrench out of his enormous backpack, spilling a third of it's contains, most bouncing on the side walk.

Across the sidewalk, a pair of odd looking women were talking, "I tell you Cecil, hunting for screams has lost qualities we used to hold dear! Leeches all but disappeared from the face of the world, we can't trick humans to wear radiation, flails aren't around anymore to be possessed and these new weapons are too difficult, and coal is no where to be found. Tsk tsk tsk, we shall have to uphold these traditions one way or another!"

"A-aggie? C-can't we just try to find d-different ways?" Cecil said with a nervous shaking. She looked cynically at Cecil.

"N-n-nooo w-we c-can't." She said mockingly, "Agnes Grimshaw could never!" Agnes approached a stall and took a red wig out and a stick from the ground. She placed both on poor Cecil yelling, "Look a witch! Run in fear!!!" Tourist laughed and continued walking around. "Something is wrong with them..." stated Agnes.

Barty Buttercup looked up with a triumphant smile holding another spunky gadget. He pulled a lever there, switched a flip here, and pressed a button or five. BOOOOOOM! Smoke aroused and tourist scattered away from the black faced Barty. Barty looked sharply around, checking for ghosts. His perfectly bald circle on the top of his head shone in the sun.

"Just as I thought..." he said to no one in particular as he pulled up his pants and stomped inside the manor. His short legs pulling in long strides while his skinny top leaned forward.

Agnes and Cecil were having an almost as bad time as Barty. Cecil kept getting an ear full after accidently scaring Agnes as they rattled chains and poorly timed boos at tourists. Meanwhile the tourists started to boo them back yelling, "Don't quit your day job you loony actors!" Which offended Agnes.

The door of Faehaven Manor swung open as the brave Barty stepped into the well furbished haunted mansion. A beeping came from a stick about five feet long with a small rectangle on the end and top. Flashes of red and yellow spurted across the top box. Barty scratched his stubble and squinted at a suit of armor across the main entrance.

"Well I'll be a monkey's uncle..." Barty said thoughtfully as he approached the armor cautiously. He circled it, eyeing it suspiciously. Suddenly he ran and ran at it yelling, "Begone spirit!" The armor was tipped over on him and he started to struggle with it, yelling many words that would surely offend Agnes. A group of tourist passed him, a little girl whispered to her mom about how there was a weird man in the armor.

Agnes was completely fed up with the new tourist, their noisy children romped wildly, and they did nothing to stop them. Frustrated, she kicked the billboard and immediately regrated her decision. It creaked and shuddered and Cecil nearly screamed. The tourist backed up and hit the telephone polls which hit branches and caught on fire. Screams came and tourist evacuated, and Agnes smiled, she no longer regrated. Barty came tumbling out, still half covered in armor and shouted, "I was right!"