The day I graduated I was excited and full of hope. Four years of my life at the Devil’s School for Innocent Mischief had finally come to a close and I was as eager as a beaver that had put his Christmas Tree up mid July to make a start in the career that my parents had always dreamed of for me. Finally I had my placement, all I had left to was wait.

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months without a thing. I decided it had to me to make the approach. So I closed my eyes and when I opened them again I was in a two story maisonette staring at a young boy, no more than forty-two moons old. He was sat on a striped sofa staring at the television screen.

“Hello,” I said, unable to hide my grin. The boy’s eyes didn’t move for a second. I coughed loudly. Nothing. The only thing I could do was use my training. “I know something you don’t know...” He stirred in his seat, rustling his pyjama bottoms in the process.

“What?” he asked in a bored voice.

“Your Mum is on the phone upstairs. She’d really like you to grab your felt tip pens and draw a picture on that wall.” There was no way he could resist the opportunity to become a kindergarten Bob Ross. It was surely a matter of time before he jumped off of the sofa. Alas, he didn’t budge an inch. I felt the desperation rise inside of me. “So?”

“I don’t want to,” he replied as he picked up a tablet from beside him and started playing some sort of game involving particularly unhappy avians.

“Let’s go outside.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Well what do you want?” I asked, the irritation clear in my voice. I pulled my best faces including the constipated owl, the drooling bloodhound and even the cross eyed hedgehog and he didn’t even look up from his screen. “Let’s play a game.” Finally he made eye contact.

“What game?” He asked curiously.

“Let’s play how many boogers can you stick to the remote control.” I knew I had his attention, this was it. All my years of training had paid off. I was going to become a truly mischievous imaginary friend.

“Is it in the App Store?”

And that was both the first and last day in my career as an imaginary friend.