It was a good day. There was nothing that caused me to be anxious or sad. It was actually one of the best days I’ve had in a while.

So why.

Why can I feel that all too familiar feeling as I lay in my bed to sleep. My shoulders are becoming tense and heavy. I can feel the connection to my limbs leaving my body. I am completely unable to move.

My instincts are telling me to scream for help, to let anyone that’s close by hear my distress. To warn those late night walkers who could be outside, that someone is in need of help. But it’s no use, there is no sound rumbling in my chest to be set free. My vocal chords have been silenced by the weight of an unknown force.

My brain is starting to panic, though we’ve been through this many times before. It needs to know what’s happening, needs to know why I’ve been rendered useless. It doesn’t quite understand, we are supposed to be in a safe place. Our room, our bed, our place of comfort.

My brain needs to see what’s wrong, but it’s scared. It tries to force me to open my eyes, but they squeeze shut instead. The panic begins to rise, I need to open my eyes, what if there is someone out there or worse something. At this thought my eyes squeeze shut even tighter, I don’t want to know.

But I need to know.

What do I do, I’m starting to breathe heavier which I’m sure means I’m about to hyperventilate. That’s it I’ll focus on my breathing. Maybe if I just succumb to the weight on my body and stay still, whatever or whoever is doing this will go away. Yeah, just stay still and regulate my breathing that has to work.

Breathe in

Breathe out

Breathe in

Breathe out

Breathe in

Breathe out

Breathe in

Breathe out

Breathe in

Breathe out

My eyes open, it’s morning. A calm washes over my body as I realize I’ve survived the night. Im ok.

For now.