I ran.

All I could think about was

_Her._

Everything felt slow.

My legs moving through molasses.

Running at everything I’ve ever cared about,

Watching it slip through my fingers as the storm that is my life pushed the things I loved farther and farther away. Sand in an hourglass seeping through the cracks of my slintering heart.

The cold sunk into my bones. The rain left an icy trail running down my spine.

I ran up the steps I used to sit with her on for hours and whisper with the stars.

I pounded on the door.

My breathing shallow and fast stinging my lungs.

Nothing but the sound of the rain slapping the pavement responded.

I ran a hand through my hair to keep water from dripping into my eyes.

Wildly looking around I spotted her car down the street in its usual spot.

My breath hitched in relief

As hope flooded my veins.

She was here. She hadn’t left yet.

“Ezra?”

The door swung open and her eyes widened as she took in my drenched and out of breath form.

My eyes watered and my mouth refused to work. To say the things I’d rehearsed for hours. It left my mind as I took her in. Positively gorgeous. Short dark hair with huge brown eyes that always seemed to hold wonder.

A piece of my messed up life fell into place.

My best friend.

She held the handle of a suitcase.

Suddenly movement returned to my limbs and I surged forward to tackle her in an embrace determined to never let her go.

“Ez, your all wet!”

I chuckled somewhat manic, thrilled to see her, but when I pulled back darkness filled my gut. There was no joy in her gaze. Like the wonder had died.

“What are you doing here?”

She asked me while stepping out of the front door and locking it behind her.

My breathing was shaky and I turned her to me. She looked at her feet avoiding eye contact.

“I had to see you.”

I said softly then moved a strand of hair out of her eyes and waited until she met my gaze.

“You shouldn’t have come.”

The words hit me like a truck.

My mucsles tightened and I tried to relax my shoulders.

“I know.”

She met my gaze then.

“Then why? Why did you come when you knew it would just make it harder? Why—”

Her big brown eyes begging me to answer. Hurting and sad.

I stopped her mouth with my own.

I kissed her with every desperation I had.

It was everything I’d dreamed of at the same time so much more. I pulled back and pulled her into a hug once more, overwhelmed.

“Because I need you.”

I felt her shoulders shake in silent sobs.

I gently stroked her hair.

“No no, don’t cry Liv, it’s okay.”

I held her tight as I confessed a secret I never knew I had until I got the news she was leaving.

“I love you, Liv. I always have I just didn’t know it. But I did and I do. I’m sorry for all the stupid mistakes I’ve made and I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me. But I’m here now. And I’m- I’m asking you to stay. Please. Stay with me. Don’t. Don’t go get on that plane and leave everyone here that cares about you. Don’t leave me.”

She pushed me away and her face sent my stomach dropping in dread and confusion.

Tears ran down her face and she looked angry.

“You don’t get it, Ezra! I have to go. I need to.”

“You could stay and I could—“

“NO. I’m not happy here. Nothing- nothing can change that. I’ve tried. There’s nothing for me here.”

Her words left me speachless and hollow.

I wasn’t enough.

My heart shattered. Fragments falling at my feet.

Her chin trembled as she tightened her grip on her suitcase. On her determination to leave me. On her decision to move halfway around the world .

She sobbed as she looked out at the rain. As if wishing she was already gone.

“I’m sorry Ez.” She picked up her suitcase and started to leave. “I care about you so much, don’t doubt that but, this has to be goodbye.”

She sniffed and nodded once studying world in front of her. Accepting the challenge and letting everything, me, go. She walked away without looking back.

Tears freely streamed down my face as I watched her go. I didn’t know what to do. There may be nothing here for her but she was my something. Mixed emotions of fear, crushing sadness, and determination bloomed in my chest, taking deep root.

“I’ll wait for you! I don’t care how long it takes!”

My voice broke as she turned back.

Our eyes clashed one last time before she squeezed them closed, took a deep breath, got in her car, and drove away. Taking all the light in my life with her, sucking the air dry of any hope I’d had left.

My knees buckled and a sobs wracked my chest as I looked around her porch. Empty. Desolate. Alone.

Alone.

She didn’t love me.

She’s gone. She left.

So

I ran.