I pass by my bathroom mirror multiple times a day. I never look in it though. In fact, i had covered it long ago. When i first got sick.

When i was eleven, i was a chunky kid. I loved ice cream and french fries and burgers and pizza. The usual kid food. Then one day, some girls from school posted pictures of my face on a cows body. I was mortified. The girls got in major trouble, but the damage was done. People called me Cowthy. Cuz my name is Cathy.

That night i waited until my parents went to bed before i went on the desktop computer in our den. I was looking for diets. They couldn’t call me Cowthy if i wasn’t big. That is when i found a site called Ana Rexie. It was a pro Anorexic site. People posted the best tips and tricks when it came to diet and exercise. I cleared the history but remembered the name.

Every night i went down after my parents went to bed and visited Ana Rexie. I used every trick i found and even posted calories eaten and pounds lost. By the end of the school year, i had lost 50 poinds. I was weighing 80 pounds. I thought i could lose more. I never realized that i was quite literally skin and bones.

I was sent away that summer, right before seventh grade. To a hospital that treated eating disorders. I gained twenty pounds back. Twenty pounds of fat that sat in my face and stomach and arms.

It took a lot of ups and downs to get where i am today. Im at a healthy 120 pounds. I went to two more treatment centers. I tried to stop eating, but was caught. Ana Rexie got shut down when i was fourteen. I covered my bathroom mirror and my parents got rid of every scale in the house. It helped with my healing a lot. It helped to not see myself every day. I still look at myself in public bathrooms. I still judge myself when i look in the mirror. I still hear the kids calling me Cowthy.

I still live at home, even though i graduated a year ago. I go to community college and want to become a nurse. My parents are now always worried about me. They monitor what i eat.

Sometimes, when i look in the mirror, i still see that chunky eleven year old girl. Sometimes i peek behind the covering and sneak a glimpse of my face next to a picture. A picture of a cow with my face pasted on it. Sometimes when i look in the mirror, i see a healthy beautiful nineteen year old woman. I try not to but sometimes i cant help but to look in the mirror.