_- there’s a panic attack, not super in detail, but I figured I’d mention it. you have been warned -_

“How nice.”

I smiled at my grandmother’s words as I introduced my girlfriend. As my parents had passed quite recently and she had become my gaurdian, her opinion meant the world to me.

“How did you two meet?” Grandma leaned back in her recliner, ready to hear the story.

Elena looked at me with a look I couldn’t read. I chuckled as I walked around the couch and sat beside her.

“Well, Grandma,” I paused, thinking. I knew this, didn’t I? Surely I remembered how we had met.

It was…

It…

I didn’t know.

Why couldn’t I remember how I had met my own girlfriend? She was sitting right next to me, and I turned to look at her. Her eyes were unreadable as she stared at me, but as soon as she saw my glance, she put on a teasing expression.

“Aww, Joel. Always the gentleman.” She winked at my grandma, and the old lady smiled back. “We met in the bus stop. When I forgot cash for my ticket, Joel offered to buy me one if he could have my number. I accepted, and here we are!”

Grandma’s smile could have lit up the whole town. She seemed genuinely happy, which drove the earlier confusion from my mind.

***

“You two are such a cute couple!” My cousin, Christy, squealed.

Elena smiled at the girl. Her enthusiasm was adorable.

“How did you guys meet? Was it true love at first sight? Tell me, tell me.” She pulled Elena by the hand over to her bed.

“Sit down and spill the tea.” The girl demanded.

Elena laughed as she looked at me. “Save me?”

Holding my hands up with a grin, I backed towards the door as I shook my head. “Nope.”

Just as I was leaving I heard an over exaggerated sigh, and Elena began, “We were in this park, you see.”

I froze. I could hear the blood rushing in my ears, my heart pumping too much too fast. Elena said we met on a bus, but now she was telling Christy that it was in a park? The worst part was: I couldn’t even remember where or when we met. If she was lying, I would have no idea.

A crash interrupted Elena’s story, and the two girls peeked their heads out of the room to see what had happened. They were met with glazed, confused eyes.

Elena stepped away from Christy and offered a hand to help me up. I watched her, now unsure. She made eye contact, and I reached out to grab her hand. She helped me up with a smile.

“Scuse me, sorry.” I quickly rushed to the restroom.

I didn’t remember how or where we first met.

I didn’t know her last name.

I didn’t remember if she had family.

I didn’t know anything about her.

My heart rate flew up, my breathing escalating. I knew this feeling, but I pushed it down.

_ Please, no. I don’t need this right now. _

The panic attack didn’t care. It took over everything in my body until I couldn’t see or hear anything. I started sobbing as I collapsed into the corner.

It seemed like forever, but the fog started clearing. In the back of my mind, I became vaguely aware that somebody was in the room. My eyes drifted up to see who it was.

Elena.

I scrambled away from her, and her face donned a confused expression.

“Joel? Are you okay?”

I squinted at her. She seemed genuinely concerned. Reaching out, I let her take my hand.

“It’s gonna be okay.” Elena soothed, rubbing comforting circles on the back of my hand.

I wordlessly shook my head. I wanted to ask a question, but my throat seemed to choke the words before they could get out. I eventually croaked, “Elena.”

She nodded and looked at my features, which were probably still wet from the tears.

“Who are you?” My voice trembled as I asked. “When, how did we meet?”

She sucked in a breath, shutting her eyes tightly. “If I tell you, you won’t be mad?”

I narrowed my eyes, but they softened of their own accord. “No promises. Please. Just tell me the truth.”

“Okay. Well, it’s gonna sound crazy, but just let me-“ She placed her hands over my temples, and suddenly pictures began racing through my mind. One in particular was pushed to the front. It seemed as though I was watched from an outside perspective, but I knew that it was me.

• • •

I rose, gasping, from the dream. Memory? Whatever it was. Confused, I stared at Elena.

She looked down at her twitching fingers.

“What the hell, Elena?”

She took a deep breath in before meeting my eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Tears gathered in the corners of my eyes, but I shoved them away.

“So you- you-“ I struggled to say it almost as much as I struggled to believe it. “You crash your weird ship thing, _murder_ my parents-“

She flinched and opened her mouth, probably to say some sort of apology, but I speak over her.

“- and then,” I throw my hands up in disbelief, “then you have the guts to erase my memory and make me think that we’re dating!”

Elena let out a sob. She stood up, whispered a few words, and fled the room.

It took me a few moments to realize that she had said, “I’m sorry.”