My ears are ringing. I can’t focus or hear. My vision is tunneled and blurry, so I can’t see. My breath is rapid and uneven. I’m hyperventilating now. My heart is racing. It’s pumping so fast it’s literally skipping beats. I can feel the blood in my body rush to my skin, making it red; clammy; and hot. My head is pounding and I’m distracted by every micro noise and movement my body makes. Im hyper-fixated on my heart beat and dizzy, spinning. I just know my heart is going to explode from the pressure in my chest. It feels like a black hole has opened up in my stomach and is sucking my insides away. Instead, I just throw it all up. And throw it all up again.

Somehow I’m on the floor screaming for help, begging anyone to stop the panic. The room is spinning. My chest is tight because there’s an elephant standing on it. Panic has its hands around my throat and is slowly squeezing my pleas for help silent. But, I guess it’s better than the alternative. I guess panic is better than actually dying. At least, maybe to someone who doesn’t suffer from anxiety.

As quickly as it set in it disappeared, leaving me drained and exhausted. I’m alive, but I feel like a shell of the person I used to be. Every minute I am awake I am on guard waiting for the anxiety to overtake me at random. It’s like being stalked and never knowing where he is at. You can feel him watching your every move. You can feel his eyes on you at all times. And there’s nothing you can do.