words and fire

holding in my breathing and i’m awake again

suffocating and the tension build up is my calling adrenaline

conversations with the lover but all you get is conversations with self

and i’m ‘selfish’ for feeling

i’m selfish for working on something only hard ships can shake apparently

it’s like waves crashing in the deep parts of the lake and suddenly i’m standing above it like some kind of goddess

but there is fire on my feet and it’s flowing through and then burning through

as if the water is my protection

my holy grail

i know the worth in my words but what’s the hold up for me?

why can’t waves crash for the lover the way they do for me?

i could be doubting but i don’t know what the lover is feeling

and i can’t talk to the lover when all i get back is the devil

i hate thinking of such thing when i know the lover is the complete opposite of hell

and raising fire just like any other

doomed love

but i won’t believe it

i know worth when i see it

when i feel it

when i hold it in my arms

all of this writing for a protagonist getting things off their chest

but all i seem to do is write deeper and feel deeper

i feel too much

so much that even when i bang my head the voices scream louder

i’m triggered

no matter the explosion i fire out none of it matters now