The front door closed with a slam. The next thing I heard was a knock knock knock. That goose again, I’m sure.

“We don’t want any,” I said through the door.

“But it’s a matter of universal protection.” He moved to the nearest window and put his head squarely in the middle of the glass pane. “You must help me get to the delta quadrant so that I can help Captain Janeway fight off the borg!”

Talking geese that watch old reruns of Star Trek don’t exist, or at least that’s what I kept telling myself. I went to the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea, but he just kept at it—though his story kept changing.

“You know, without me, the Looney Tunes are never going to score against those aliens. You have to let me in!” His eyes stared at me from the window right above the sink.

“They aren’t real either.”

“Only as real as the Ark of the Covenant. Right now, Indiana Jones needs our help. You have to let me in so we can buy plain tickets to help him fight off the Nazis!”

I couldn’t quite remember if that was the story. “Don’t you have swimming to do?”

“It is better down where it’s wetter, but I can’t really get Ariel’s voice back if you don’t let me in.”

It was about now that I considered looking up recipes for geese. “You know I eat fowl, right?”

“Ain’t that foul—but not as foul as if you don’t let me in!” His face popped up near the window on the back door. Lucky for me, I had a curtain for the back door. I closed it.

Back in the living room, I laid down on the couch. The goose, or whatever Frank was, had stopped long enough for me to look up how to bake a goose. Half way through the recipe, I saw a white feather on the floor. “Frank? Frank?” I heard my land line ring. With the receiver to my ear, I said, “Hello?”

“If you hang up on me, you’ll never know where the call is coming from.”

At that very second, I no longer cared if he was a figment of my imagination or a chance at a gourmet meal. “Did you find a way in the house?” The other side of the line went dead. It was time this goose met his maker. I walked to the fireplace and grabbed the extinguisher. A trail of feathers took me to outside my bathroom. Someone, or something, was taking a shower.

Keeping silence, the door swung opened against my elbows. I crept to the edge of the bathtub. There was a goose shaped shadow on the other side of the shower curtain. All at once, I pulled the curtain to the side.

He faced me with a shower cap on his head. His wings flapped to spray me with shower water, and then he went off with a screamed.

I swung the extinguisher at him.

With feathers flying, the goose found his way over me, back to the floor, and then fled. I followed. I chased him through the kitchen. I chased him through the living room, and then down to the basement. That’s where I found how he came in. A busted window that came right to eye level was just big enough. He flapped his wings to leave just as easy as he came, straight through the hole.

In the following days, I didn’t see Frank. I fixed the window downstairs and pulled out some old movies. The newer TVs make the old resolution look a little smudgy, but I enjoyed the trip down memory lane. For all the trouble he caused, I almost wish the bird came back after I realized there was no one else to enjoy them with. I bet that he would have liked watching the movies.