Pain

I don’t know how much longer I can handle this. This time of the year always scares me. Not because I’m in pain, I’m used to it and mostly numb to it now ... but because when I try to work on this day, I do more harm than good and I have to put on a face for everyone. If I didn’t have to put on a face, I’d let everyone know I’m suffering, but I’m the only one that gives them the hope they need to carry on with their days. I will not destroy it. So, I have to go out, just for this hour, and endure more pain while already in pain, even if it kills me, and it’s come pretty close.