Auntie Dottie gasped. Mrs. Treadwell, mother of the bride, wavered on her heels. My cousins, Tonya and Amanda, squealed. Under the crown molding and gold chandeliers of the Austen room, the guests went silent.

It didn’t start when Amber Lynn cursed me out my name when my flight got delayed out of O’Hare and my luggage including my overpriced bridesmaid dress was lost. I had to rent a car, grab a cocktail dress, and sped over to Midway to catch a redeye. Apparently I controlled the weather, who knew.

It wasn’t even during the bachelorette party when Miss Goody Two Shoes got wasted on Long Island Ice Teas and made out with Ebony ManTool back by the Dumpster at Ladies’ Delight All Male Revue. I respect unfettered sexy fun time. I also knew Amber Lynn had cheated on Denny a couple of times before so he knew what he was signing up for.

Broke as a joke, I paid for my share of the ridiculous high tea bridal shower at Claridges, the engagement party gift, the bridal shower gift, the bachelorette fiasco, and the wedding gift. I smiled through the sarcastic barbs from Amber Lynn’s posse on my piercings and tats. I schlepped Amber Lynn to the bridal expo and tanning appointments because she was overwhelmed. Hell, I hot glued satin ribbons to Jordon almond-filled tulle sachets for some ungodly reason. Always patient, I did it for Denny.

Denny and I used to be close especially after Mom died. We looked after each other and Pops and little Leoni. Mom had made us promise to be like the Wonder Twins and activate. Mom loved crap TV. We promised to keep the family together. Family is everything, right.

I kind of went a little wild during my fifteen minutes in college. I guess I wanted to be a kid. Denny was my sounding board and cheerleader as I got my shit together. He had a knack for taking care of people. Pops said Denny could see the good in people that Jesus couldn’t see. When he fell for her there wasn’t much room for me. I pulled away an hurt us. When Denny asked me for Mom’s engagement ring for Amber Lynn, his on again, off again girlfriend I was determined to be there for Denny.

The end of being nice started with the text Big Chicken I got when I finally landed at La Guardia: Yo Tink I’m covering 4 Cheez @Goldy’s Pawn & saw Denny’s girl selling your mom’s ring Remember you wearing it on a chain WTF

My knees turned to jelly. Big Chicken has a thing for me so when I texted him back he’d already put a down payment on the ring and set it aside for me. Oh that sweet, sweet man.

Sporting a new big rock engagement ring, Amber Lynn told us Mom’s ring was in a safety deposit box until you could get it resized to wear as her wedding band. I headed to the Four Seasons hotel for the wedding on autopilot. When my Uber stopped at a red light in front of a secondhand shop I knew what to do.

Reverend Chauncy Alcock raised an eyebrow. My sister Leoni did a fist pump. Denny’s eyes bugged out. I walked no cross that out I strutted up the aisle and took my place standing at the front next to my sister in a lavender, goldenro, and purple Wonder Twin leotard. With pointy ears and shiny spandex awesomeness I did my best power pose.

“Wonder Twins powers activate!” Denny said, blocking his bride from clawing my face. I grabbed the unity candle ready to throw down. The groom’s side cheered. Screaming Amber Lynn ran from the altar.