“What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve believed?”

I paused for a while. Knowing that David was a religious man and had been most of his life meant that I had to consider my response. David was also a good man and someone I called a friend.

“Belief in God” I said.

“Knowing what I know now and having experienced 60 years of life on earth, I believe - and I know - that god does not exist”

David put down his scrabble tile that he was about to play and looked at me like I was a stranger.

“I had no idea” he said.

“I mean, I know you hadn’t been to church for the best part of 12 months but I thought you were having a break.”

“You don’t believe in God?” He said. As if repeating it made it sink in for him.

“Are you sure?”

“Hear me out” I said.

“Firstly, you’re a good man David and I consider you my friend. Pastor or not, you’ve been a person who I consider genuine, loving and kind so please do not attach my personal beliefs to the bond that we have because even though mine have changed, it hasn’t nullified my respect for you.”

“Over the last five years I have been on a journey of discovery. After Alzheimer’s took Angelas life in the most undignified way, I started to question things that I had always accepted. Like why would a loving god take my beautiful wife away from me”.

David sipped his coffee and listened like he was learning something new about me. His facial expression hadn’t changed since my first revelation and rather than debate me he chose to just listen.

“There are an estimated 10,000 religions worldwide” I said. “45,000 of those Christian. What makes us think that we are obeying the right god? There has never been any proven existence of any gods. Existence based on faith is not enough for me. If he or she did exist, where were they when 6 million Jews died during the Holocaust? If you created a race of people would you continue to watch them kill themselves, die of horrible diseases and live miserable lives?”

“I know you’re faith has wained but God moves in mysterious ways and soon this wicked world will end and we will all…”

“Bullshit!” I interrupted. “I’ve been listening to the same old lines for years. It means nothing to me now”

David could sense my anger and asked me if I wanted him to leave? “No”. I said taking a deep breath and pausing to think of the right words. “Do you remember how I told you about the headaches and vomiting my grandson was having? And how he had started having seizures?”

“Of course” David said.

“Well, it got to the point where he’d been to a dozen doctors and specialists but this morning we got a definitive answer about the issues he was having” I noticed that my voice was starting to crack with emotion.

“Brain Cancer. Fucking brain cancer. He’s 6 years old and he has brain cancer. That is the ultimate proof to me that god doesn’t exist”

David’s eyes had welled up with tears. He opened his arms and stood beside me and we hugged. Both of us with tears streaming down our faces.