“ it really is beautiful” I observed as the wind brushed the sweet smell of summer across my face. “this has always been one of my favorite spots of ours” my sister replied. The sunset was beautiful overlooking this cliffside that was a hidden gem, located behind a beautiful forest that seemed to radiate with magic in the imagination of two young girls. This oasis was a place that we could just simply exist with each other outside of the madness that was our childhood home. We had both seen our fair share of pain and misery within its four walls.

Our mother, who was a deeply troubled woman, saw the tail end of our father’s wrath more than we ever did but watching a parent suffer as the other parent struggles within their own mind is a fresh form of hell. Many people had said that our mother, with her mental illness and crass attitude had brought misfortune upon herself and the hurt our father bestowed on her, but my sister, and I always questioned if the lack of support he showed contributed to her suffering.

Within our small town, and our religious background divorce was never on the table For them despite all the times us children had begged for our father to take us away and allow our mother to seek help that we could not provide. She was a loving woman in the beginning but as her soul began to fade her verbal abuse and the emotional distress she caused held all of us captive within her distorted reality. We can’t say our father was a good man for what he had done to her in those later years but we also can’t say that sympathy never existed for what he endured from her illness. The more she struggled the more he struggled as well, but with us being so young, it was a choice between the lesser of two evils.

We were 14 when our mothers health hit a catalyst, and she was officially more monster than beautiful woman who cared deeply for her husband and children. Our father had turned to drinking and avoiding the home as much as possible at this point. This was also around the time that my sister had been diagnosed with a similar mental illness that would slowly but surely mimic our mothers.

In the following years We spent more and more peaceful sunsets in our little paradise. We prayed for my sister to never see the hellish reality our mother must witness every day through her own eyes but prayer can only hold so much weight. I could see the light leaving my sister’s eyes day by day as she struggled to cope with the idea of becoming a burden. “ I can’t survive the idea of doing to the ones I love what mom has done to us” she confided to me one day as we sat by the Cliffside. “ it won’t come to that. Mom never had someone to love her unconditionally the way that I love you. I won’t let you fade away.” if only that promise I made that day was enough to have stopped everything that was to come.

Which led us to this evening, On my 30th birthday as we stood looking out once again. I admired her beauty in the pink, red hue of the sky. Unlike all these recent years for some reason today I found inner peace and enjoyment within this moment. Our father had since passed due to complications of extreme alcoholism, and our mother had been living within a mental health facility for years now. At this stage, she barely remembered she had daughters or what had happened to her husband, so visits began to become few and far between.

my sister’s health had also began to decline and she suffered greatly with her reality. we had been living together in order for me to provide her with the care she needed, and every day she begged God to not allow her to witness the same fate as our mother. She fought as hard as she could, as she was slowly taken over by unseen forces. I never expected her to hold on for as long as she did but also never wanted to accept the idea of letting her go.

At least not alone…

As we stood there, I grabbed my sister’s hand and pulled her towards the cliff edge with me. She nodded slowly in my direction. Then we jump...

I instinctively close my eyes as we fall, feeling the weight of the wind against my back as we plummet. A smile creeps across my face, “ it’s over” I say, aloud to her. She whispers back,

“ I told you it wouldn’t hurt forever” I feel her release my grip, and I open my eyes to give her one last longing look before our inevitable ending. As I do, panic fills my veins, as I am now free falling alone to the bottom of the basin.

Memories of her death suddenly come flooding back. She once walked to the edge of this cliff, despite my promises to never allow her to begin a journey on her own, and had chosen a fate that she foolishly felt would relieve me of my responsibility to her and her well-being.

Before I can comprehend what I have done or question everything in my reality, the world goes black. I don’t know if I expected to see a bright, white light or be met with darkness But I was even more taken aback when I realized I had awoken again, seeing my sister, standing before me at the top of the cliff, her beautiful smile radiating once more. Another sense of calm washed over me as I smiled back, “it really is beautiful” I murmured as I once again reached for her hand…