The Star

I didn’t mean for this to happen. I didn’t want to go viral, especially not for this. I don’t even know why I posted the video, even with my friend’s incessant convincing.

I woke up the other day and found that a video my friend had convinced me to post in a drunken haze had over 3 billion views. “Shit”, I thought to myself. “This does not bode well for me and my job. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck shit. I’m gonna get fired”. I tried to call Julie, my best friend, coworker, and lifelong accomplice, but she never picks up her phone. Damnit. There is no way to get out of this one, I might as well walk up to my boss and say “Fuck you” right to his face. Fuck this man.

All of a sudden, my phone lights up. Julie called, finally.

“Matt, what the fuck?! You called me like a thousand times you asshole!” You can tell she’s annoyed.

“Julie, check the company Instagram.”

“Well that’s not good. You are so fired for this, man.”

“You are too, you made me post this!”

“Nah, I am in no way implicated in this fiasco. This is all you, and as soon as I have had enough of you, I’m getting John to deal with these phone records. No stone unturned. Kay, bye Matt!” She rushes to hang up

She’s right though, I’m the only one with access to the company accounts. You see, in my line of work, having anyone be able to choose what you post is a VERY bad idea. I had so much media management training before even being considered for the position of “social media manager” for Mr. Jon’s Hired Help. Normally, going viral would be fine if it were any other video, but this one is not good. It’s a video of me doing my other job. See, Mr. John’s Hired Help isn’t a normal odd job company, it is a hitman agency. I manage the company’s public image, so no one figures out what we really do, but I might just be the next victim once my boss finds out.