“I have to get home early tonight, cause,” I paused. I knew what I was about to say was going to raise red flags. I knew it would only be an oily pretense the the fires about to come. “I have to make a make-shift bed.”

“A what?” Surprise crossed both of their faces. Jackie’s facial expressions are harder to read than Elizabeth’s. But it was plain to see the confusion on Jackie’s face. And I could tell Elizabeth felt weird about my statement. It’s probably because she has her suspicions. She’s right to have them; and I’m glad she does. It makes talking to her much easier.

“Are you sleeping outside?” Asked Jackie. Her voice raised with curiosity and slight concern, hoping I would say yes.

“What’s a make-shift bed?” Elizabeth asked me.

“It’s just like a bed, but on the floor and made of pillows and blankets and other soft stuff.” I smiled awkwardly, hoping they wouldn’t think much of it. But all nurses seem to have a detector of sorts. Especially when you are in their office everyday, panicking about having to go home.

“Why are you sleeping on the floor?” Asked Jackie.

I hesitated, “I just can’t sleep in my bed anymore,” I admitted as I clenched my fists around the stress ball Elizabeth had gotten for me a day earlier.

She looked at with concern and pity and hope I might share my feelings and asked me, “Why can’t you sleep in your bed anymore?”

I think the words holy shit, here it come, we’re running through each of our heads.

“I just can’t anymore — it makes me feel disgusting.”

My pacing began to increase, along with my heart, which now felt like a million giant, carnivorous butterflies.

“Why,” began Elizabeth, “does your bed make you feel disgusted?” I could hear in her voice how half of her desperately wanted an answer so that she could help me, but the other half of her didn’t want to her what we both new was the answer.

I forgot to breath as I said unconvincingly, “I’m not answering that.”

My eyes darted past Jackie, whose eyes were wide and white. Then, my eyes darted over Elizabeth. I didn’t want to see her reaction.

“You know, when you say things like that, it makes me worried.”

“I know” I said as I tried to hide my shaky voice.

I finally look at Elizabeth, six million seconds later, and was greeted by her crazy side eye.

“Don’t give me that look!” I said, half smiling. Jackie started giggling.

“Well…” Elizabeth’s words got stuck somewhere in her brain. And as I turned around, she finally came up with them. “Well then don’t look at my face!” She blurted out.

The whole room burst out into laughter. And I went home thinking, well, at least I have someone in my corner.