My eyes drowsily blink open. The light isn’t striking me how it usually does, did I forget to draw the curtains? Am I sleeping on the wrong side of the bed? Is my mattress really this comfortable? My eyes focus on the window which woke me; it’s not my window. I try to roll over, but I feel a large indent next to me; that would explain the different surroundings, and why I can’t remember last night. There’s some familiarity about the room though. Her blonde hair is messily covering most of her face and my arm has been pinned beneath her neck. The wave of her hair also looks familiar. From my fixed position I lean upwards and search the floor for a pile of my clothes. I spot my shirt by the open door and plan my exit. With care, I begin to remove my arm from beneath her, slowly slithering the limb free. That is until it’s my wrist’s turn to squeeze through. The bones gently tap her head, not enough to wake her, but enough for me to know that I’ll need to lift her head to free myself. I gently bring my other arm over, caress the side of her head and carefully lift. My arm slides free and I turn out of the bed. Through the mattress I can feel the girl stir. My head turns and I catch her arms stretching over herself and then wipe the hair away from her face. My eyes open wide. It can’t be her. I rise from the bed to give myself a better vantage. It’s unmistakably her. It makes sense why everything looks so familiar. Her blonde hair, green eyes and button nose follow me in my dreams. It’s Summer. All I do is stand and stare for a moment. Summer is in bed next to me. I spent the night in Summer’s bed; the girl who had seized my heart a few years ago and never returned it. I’ve spent those years trying to decipher her feelings for me: sometimes she would be very flirty, and other times she’d be as icy as frostbite. But I guess this confirms that she at least likes me a little bit. I don’t know if she’s noticed me yet, her hand is tucked under her head and she’s staring at the ceiling. A smile dances on her lips, she tips her head towards me. The sun sparkles on her cheek; even though she’s just woken up she still looks beautiful. ‘Hi,’ she sweetly says. A smile graces my face from ear to ear at the sound of her soothing voice, no ounce of regret poisoning it. But as much as I want to enjoy the moment of being with her, my heart gnaws at me and the voice in my head scolds me. How dare you? How could you betray him? As if on queue, the door of the apartment unlocks and both of our eyes widen. Her sweet comment suddenly turns into a dagger. I have no escape. I manage to slip on my underwear in time for him to walk through the door frame. He is halfway through a declaration of love when he notices me. All I heard was how much he loves her and that he has decided to stop wasting time and fully commit to her. But when he sees me it looks like he’s about to faint. ‘Jon?’ he barely pipes out. Ryan, my best friend, stumbles backwards and crashes into a shelf. I can’t construct a single cohesive sentence which would comfort him, or absolve myself from guilt. But I don’t even want to try to come up with an excuse, because I am guilty. Ryan and Summer have been dating for almost half a year, but for some reason he could never fully commit to her. They had never made themselves official, but they weren’t seeing other people, and everyone knew that they were together and that no one would get between them. Ryan has spent many nights awake, talking to me about her. And every night I would die a little bit more, it was like he could never decide whether he liked her or not, whereas I was there beside him, pining. But his lack of decisiveness still can’t excuse what I did. And I can’t bare the look he’s giving me. He’s been my best friend for fifteen years, at some points my only friend. I know his deepest fears and was with him during his best moments. He comforted me when the cancer took my mother, and helped me with my sisters during my dad’s subsequent dark years. And here I am, barely clothed after spending the night with his girlfriend, if anyone ever had a good reason to hate someone it is him. I don’t try to talk or make excuses, I just let the moment sit and wait for him to yell at me. But he doesn’t, instead he just turns and runs out of the apartment. I can’t pull my eyes away from the shelf, like I can still see him. An obscenity from Summer brings me back to her, still sitting in bed with the duvet raised over her body. She didn’t make an attempt to talk to Ryan, she doesn’t look like she’ll chase after him. She looks shameful to have betrayed him in such a way, but more than content to stay in bed with me. She wants me to stay with her. While Ryan could never choose how he felt about her, she’s decided how she feels about me. She pulls back the duvet on half of her bed, inviting me. This is my chance. After years of pining for her, wishing she’d choose me, she finally has. But I look back to the apartment door, to where my best friend had fled my treachery, and I give up all I wanted, to try to regain what I love.