I watched his face fill with tears, 

The silent horror slowly reaching toward every part of his delicate body. 

His ocean blue eyes drowning with a sadness that had no place there. 

And I had apologized for my actions, but I never wanted it to change this egregiously. 

I apologize for my sporadic responses and immature behavior. 

It was like reading a book, where the main character slowly turns into the sadistic villain. 

But that’s not what’s supposed to happen in love. 

Because though the books said so, they lied. 

The books had said so,

and I wished not of what my heart had decided. 

The caution at first was like no other worth imagining. 

Scared to open the new book, terrified of tearing a page or breaking the binding. 

Naive enough to expose my raw, vulnerable heart to this

Broken and unforgiving society where

Nothing seems right or wrong

Black or white.

No bright colors to be found in a society where bold individuals with powerful emotions are bursting through every pore and crevice on this earth. 

Yet love is painted with bold and powerful splotches of color, where life seems easier for just a moment. 

Soaking yourself in something new, something that makes you feel important and loved, though soaking in something so extraneous and toxic can impose irreparable damages on oneself, blurring the colors together into a thick, grey smog.  

The effervescent effects of love choke you and drown you and pull you down, down, down into a dark gray place. 

I never hoped for my heart to grow this way, to sway against what you wanted, what everyone wanted. 

Your whole being is worthy of bright and colorful love, to be held warm by someone who truly sees every small imperfection you may have. 

Now, I am free of the thick smog my lies have put me through. Love cannot be defined by colors, and love is not impermeable. 

In fact, love may be the most permeable thing on this planet, as one side starts to drown and choke in this everlasting grey, the other side will have started to seep out the burning colors that had once been held inside. 

Love is not black and white, love is an omnipotent grey cloud, having power over everything in our lives. 

If you’re looking for love bursting with colors, read the books. 

Because those books, 

Those books are the only thing bursting with color in a world choked by grey.