Could it possibly be any worse than this. I just can’t believe that I wasted all my money on this terrible movie. The worst part is that this was a fucking date! I had taken my girlfriend to watch a terrible shitty movie.

Okay let me tell you the whole story. I was originally excited for this movie because I thought that it would be awesome to show to my girlfriend, Alexis. It had everything we both loved, romance and action. The premise was so interesting as well. Two fugitives meeting each other and trying to get away from the authorities while simultaneously trying desperately not to be seen together because their families hate each other? Sign me up. It sounds like an action packed version of Romeo and Juliet.

Instead, what we got was a huge cluttered mess that didn’t meant anything. The protagonists were annoying and always whining about how much they hated each other. But guess what? They get together anyways. The action scenes were really poorly edited as well, it felt like a 12 year old edited it.

Speaking of which, the practical effects were shit too. It looked like something out of The Amazing Bulk (if you know, I’m sorry). The trailers made it look like it was awesome. Everything in the trailer looked good and promising. Instead we get green screen effects that don’t mesh well either the story.

The music was also terrible. It’s just the sound of wind chimes on a ten second loop. Granted I rather listen wind chimes than watch the terrible acting from the characters.

Oh the acting, the dialogue, and above all the story, was all over place. The story wasn’t anything like in the trailer. Oh there was romance and action alongside a Romeo and Juliet plot line, but they forgot to tell us about Cthulhu and…whatever that scene with the carrots was all about.

It’s just awful. This movie made Birdemic look like Citizen Kane. I bet if I showed this movie on an airplane, no one will leave. Instead they would be already dead just by seeing the first five minutes. I wouldn’t show this movie to my worst enemy.

That’s how bad it is.

-Johnathan Rial