“With all of this trial’s witness statements and evidence taken into account, it is time for the prosecution’s closing statement. Try and keep it short, Mr Zeelorp.” Rumbled judge Xy’lander.

“Thank you, your honour,” smirked Zeelorp. He knew there was no way the humans would win this custody battle.

“I would like to review evidences A through D, please.” A hologram popped up on the witness stand. A clip of a burning rainforest played, and several members of the jury had to look away as it transformed to images of drought-ridden farms. Juror 4 almost lost her lunch (well, technically she photosynthesises, but anyway) when it cut to images of land and animals decimated by hurricanes. But the kicker was Exhibit D: a list, more like a book, of species that humans had caused to go extinct. There were audible gasps throughout the courtroom and judge Xy’lander had to bang their gavel several times before order was restored.

“All of you have seen just snippets of what humans have done to their planet. It’s atrocious! If this was a child, no jury in this galaxy- no, in this universe- would give this negligent and abusive parent custody. Humans were on Earth for the blink of an eye in terms of cosmological time, and they managed to completely destroy it. They murder their own kind, drain resources until there are none left, and have used chemicals and substances- think plastic- that have been banned throughout several galaxies because of the environmental damage they cause. I think Earth should be transferred into more loving hands, so to speak. Perhaps the Sekree people could start by sending a cleanup crew and then hand over to the Zwestanians and Quanters for restoration?

He took a dramatic breath inside his water-filled helmet before continuing: “Just before lunch, we heard from Mother Nature. She was so weakened, sickly, and downright depressed that she had a hard time stringing sentences together. Who did this to her? Humans! Weak and primitive humans! I’m not saying we should exterminate them, of course; we shall not stoop to their level. The prosecution recommends that humans remain on their planet- not much of a choice considering their lack of technological advancement”- there were a few laughs- “and have other species, such as the ones I mentioned earlier, take up residence to assist them.”

The jury murmured amongst one another. He’d made some really good (if not flamboyant) remarks.

“Perhaps we could even offer an exchange program, and strengthen intergalactic bonds? But the prosecution’s most vehement request is that those responsible for the most damage don’t go unpunished. Corporations more focused on profit than protection should be torn down, and their owners sent into the CsZ47Q asteroid belt. These people killed a PLANET... Not a single civilisation in the history of the universe has done that to their own home!”

“Wrap it up, Zeelorp,” said Xy’lander.

“I think I’m finished, your honour.” He sat down, and waited for the vote.