Water. Water everywhere.

Surrounding me. Suffocating me.

Waves come crashing against me, dragging me under.

I can't breathe.

The rain hammers down on the ocean, pounding like percussion, pointing out my imminent death.

The ocean is way too agitated for me to swim. The current keeps dragging me down, like a dead weight on my feet. The gigantic waves -these big water monsters- far too strong for me to overcome.

Suddenly, I can breathe again.

A gasp; a flicker of hope.

But the panic is rising fast. My heart pounds loudly against my chest. Hot tears blend with the cold rain, sliding down my face. My mind races.

How did I get here ? I don't remember getting in the water in the first place.

One second I was on the hot sand, Ella reading her book next to me.

Next, I am drowning.

But I don't have time to understand what happens when another wave takes me down again.

I can't see anything. Everything is too dark.My eyes are shut tight.

Fear is taking all radical thoughts that I could have.

The only voice left, is screaming

Swim ! Keep swimming !

I learned something the other day about sharks.

They are always swimming because if they stop, they die. Right now, I am a shark.

The difference is that I can't breathe under water.

My lungs burns. They are yearning for oxygene. My whole body is on fire.

But I am tired, so damn tired. I just want everything to stop.

Maybe, just maybe, if I stop fighting and I let go, everything will be better. And the more I think about it, the better I think it is. I will finally have a rest. Peace.

The idea spreads through my body like a warm breeze.

And just like that, I let go.

My body slowly relaxes, and sink, sink, sink in the depth of the ocean.

I feel… nothing.

My heart beats so slowly, that I might think it stops. My brain is blank, free of any thoughts.

Finally, I can rest. But there is something that disturbs me. That tuggs me.

My heart is longing for someone, and my body is aching to be touched. Ella

My eyes fly open. Panic crashes in my chest like another wave.

My lungs burn.

I need air. Need to move.

My body finally remembers how to swim.

I kick. As fast as I can.

But I don’t budge. Like I’m stuck in the moment, my body moves, but I stay where I am. No matter how hard I try. Help

I can’t leave her. Not after what we’ve been through. She needs me. And deep down, I know that I need her too.

It would be too selfish to stop fighting. I need to fight. For her.

But my vision slowly starts to fade away.

I try to scream for help, but nothing is coming out of my mouth. I slowly sink alone. All alone again.

-

My eyes fly open, and I’m back in my room. I jerk off my bed, drenched in sweat, trying to catch my breath. My eyes scan my surroundings and my brain tries to understand what's happening.

I am safe. I am not drowning.

But something's wrong.

I am still breathing heavily, like there’s a weight on my chest. I take my hands to my chest, squeezing as hard as I can, trying to calm the damn thing down.

My heart hurts. It pounds so loud against my ribcage, that it could break it. It pounds so loud in my ear that I can't hear anything else.

A cold hand touches my arm. My head turn fast.

She is here. her big, brown eyes laced with concern, pinned on me.

'Breathe Finn', her soft voice said 'It was just a nightmare'

Right, a nightmare. I forgot what they felt like.

I haven't had any nightmares since I started sleeping next to Ella. She brought me comfort, and my body knew it.

She looked up at me and I was done for the night. Her strong scents of vanilla hit my nose, and my headspace seems to clear. She held her hand to my face.

Instantly, I felt my cheeks flamed up. This girl owned me.

She put her other hand right on my heart.

'Hey’ she says gently, ‘Look at me. You're fine. Your heart’s beating so fast…, are you okay ?'

I blinked at her, trying to find my words.

While she thought putting her hands on me would help me calm down, it had the opposite effect.

'Well your hands are not really helping, love' I mutter.

Her cheeks flush at the nickname. But she doesn’t pull away; her touch is still firm.

'Do you need me to leave you alone ?' she asked quietly

I shake my head: 'I need you yes, but not to leave me alone'

She blinks at me. She takes a deep shaky breath, as if she stopped breathing

‘You do ?’ Her question surprises me, isn’t it obvious ?

‘Of course’, I whisper.