ADON

I never really thought of my own life much. I’m not selfless—or caring. It’s just that I never really thought I amounted to something, compared to other people. I was less than, and therefore unimportant.

And that was fine. But what was not fine was the avoidance.

I needed people, I craved people. I needed someone to hold onto, someone’s chest to bury my face in.

I wanted to be loved.

But in this life, some people love others more than they love you, and I was left and forgotten.

——

We went to a public beach one day, when I was twelve and had not yet met Jack, with some of my stepfather’s friends. They were all rich, of course, and all White. Though some had deep, rich tans that they so loved to have. My mother, light-skinned with long, curly hair, was chatting with the other wives, while my stepfather talked to his pals in low tones, chuckling when one told a joke that made no sense to me at the time.

There were no other kids except me and my sister, who at the time was six. She was small, baby fat still clinging to her legs and her cheeks, her she had a rosy hue on her skin.

She looked White, not even mixed. Was that why my stepfather didn’t touch her? Was that why I was the only one who was punished.

I stared at my dark skin, the sand grains standing out against the color.

Black.

White.

Was it because of this that I felt less then?

But then I thought of the people at my school who were even darker than me. The bullies, the people who ignored me, who cast me away. I felt less than them as well, so what really was the reason.

I continued thinking about it at the time and kept on destroying every sand castle my sister tried to create. It didn’t make me feel better to see her fuss and swat my dark hands away with her own pale ones. It wasn’t like I hated her; she didn’t do anything to me.

She just existed. She had no choice in the matter. She didn’t know what happened when she left the house with my mother for their trips.

She just was greater and I was smaller. Like those things we were taught in math.

ＳＩＳＴＥＲ　＞　ＭＥ

It was just the common way of the world, I supposed.

——

ＳＩＳＴＥＲ　＞　ＭＥ

ＳＴＥＰＦＡＴＨＥＲ　＞　ＭＥ

ＭＯＴＨＥＲ　＞　ＭＥ

ＣＬＡＳＳＭＡＴＥＳ　＞　ＭＥ

ＡＤＵＬＴＳ　＞　ＭＥ

Who wasn’t more than I was? Who didn’t overachieve me by plenty? My sister grew to be a lawyer. We don’t talk anymore. She is far, far away and I am here. With a man who loves control, a man who loves to be used, and a man who loves the taste of human flesh.

And I’m happy. I am cared for. I have attention. I have comfort. I have warmth.

Of course, I am still less.

ＬＯＶＥＲＳ　＞　ＭＥ

——

As I looked up into their eyes, I saw my future go up in flames. It didn’t matter what I wanted—though I would soon learn that I would get what I desired in the mean time—it was them. I could feel it.

Jack.

Holland.

Thomas.

I love them with every being of my soul. With every beat of my heart, I rotate around them like the Earth with the Sun. One would not be there without the other.

If I die with them. I will be pleased. My death is not important.

I repeat, once more:

ＡＤＯＮ　ＩＳ　ＬＥＳＳ　ＴＨＡＮ

---

【Adon…Adon isn’t easy. He may be even harder than Penny—or Treasure, even. (I’ll get to Treasure’s past soon.) First of all, I want to clarify that I am Black; it seems to bug people if you write about racism when your not that race. (FYI people can write about racism even if they aren’t the race they aren’t talking about, as long as they do it correct!)

Like, my love-hungry baby wants something, but still sees himself as a speck of dirt even after all of these years. I really want to change that, but I know if I give him an arc, the story wouldn’t be the same.

No one is getting redeemed in the Judges of Man series. People are going to die, people are going to get hurt, and no one is going to change. Their eyes may be opened, but they won’t change their ways. Sorry.

Anyways, imma come up with some new characters to write while the main cast is still on the run. I would ask for y’all to help me make a character—it would be nice—but I know not a bunch read these and the chances are low. (I’m stating what I think, anyway)

As always, sorry for the long notes and have a wonderful day/night. 💙】