I Have To Find You
It’s one of those days that’s disconnected from time and space. Everything is covered in a thick layer of fog and everyone is quickly falling under the spell the duchess cast on this place. One by one, people walk out of their houses and cars and get up from sitting at tables or lying on the grass. They move in unison to go meet the duchess at the edge of the path to see who will be marked next. They’re all curious who her next companion will be, and they all want it to be them.
My eyes are cold and emotionless, just as empty as everyone else’s. Yet I stay still, my feet planted on the hard, cracked cement of the sidewalk. The duchess has no hold on me, I have no reason to go to her. My Economics professor grabs my arm, his fingers wrapped around my wrist like a vice as he tries to pull me forward into joining the rest of the crowd. After all, I’m acting like an anomaly and the duchess would never accept that.
“Get your hands off me! I’d sooner get sent to an executioner than be near that monster who calls herself a duchess!” Venom drips from my every word; I have every right to hate her with every ounce of rage in my bitter heart.
“Emma, everyone goes to see the duchess, you know that. That’s how it’s always been done. You can’t just disobey the rules. Come on, be a good girl.” His grip tightens as he keeps dragging me forward. It’s hard to stay on my feet but I have to manage that. If I can’t even stand then how can I expect to escape?
“A good girl? Really? Why would I do that, Mr. Walters? I have no one to protect except myself, so there’s not much point! Just let me go, it’ll save you time; you should know by now that I won’t come willingly!” I try to wrench myself out of his grasp but it’s no use, he’s just physically stronger than I am. As we near the forest, my heartbeat quickens. This is the duchess’s forest. If I want to have any hope of escaping I’ll have to do it before I hit the tree line.
“Everyone else is being good, Emma. The fact that you’re struggling so much must mean there’s something wrong with you. A doctor will have a look at you after this. Restructuring is a very successful technique and it’s relatively painless. Once you’re restructured, you’ll feel so much better, so much happier.”
We reach the tree line. There is no getting away now.
“The duchess took her! She took the woman I love! No amount of ‘restructuring’ is going to change that, much less make me forget it! There’s no point in trying to make me good, you’re wasting your time!”
With one more sharp yank, I finally manage to break free and I immediately start running to the edge of the forest. If I could just outrun her, if I could just outrun her magic then maybe I would be safe for another year.
A light, tinkling laugh comes from right behind me, and against my better judgment, I turn around to see her. The duchess does look beautiful but up close I can see the flaws in her that she tries so hard to hide. She can fool many people but I’m not one of them; I won’t be vulnerable to her charms like so many people before me have been.
“Oh Emma dear, you should now by now that I’ll always be a part of your life. I would have thought you were smarter than that. Even though you may not see it, you are my puppet and I will always hold the strings.”
I glower at her, my rage quickly threatening to consume me. “You don’t scare me.”
She smiles, looking infuriatingly at ease. “So that’s why you’ve run as far away from here as you can get for the past two years. Because you’re “not afraid.”
“What makes you think I was running? If anything, I was leaving so that I wouldn’t kill you with my bare hands. You should be thankful I’ve let you live; you should know by now not to push your luck.”
“Oh dear, you do seem to be quite upset. I’ll tell you what, you can come back home with me and we can sort all of this out over a cup of tea.”
For just a second, I find myself relaxing. Her idea does sound nice and it’s been a long day already. Maybe some tea and a nap is exactly what I need to get perspective. I nod at her, everything starting to feel slightly fuzzy and out of my control.
We walk through the forest, following a different path than the rest of the town. Subconsciously, I can tell we’re moving, I can tell we’re traveling but otherwise I feel disconnected from everything.
“Don’t you see, Emma dear, how much easier it is when you cooperate? Being a good girl makes things so much more peaceful, so much more pleasant. I truly am glad that you made the right choice.”
Something is wrong. I can feel it. This woman isn’t trustworthy, she’s trying to manipulate me. Every independent thought sends shooting pains through my body as if it’s actually physically damaging. The more I fight her, the more pain I feel.
Turning my head to the side so I can see her face, I notice it’s strained and there are several veins on her forehead that are popping out. I’m not the only one struggling right now but while I’m struggling to get free, the duchess is struggling to keep me trapped.
“Why? Why are you working so hard to keep me here? What do you want from me?”
“Why isn’t it working, why aren’t you obeying me? Nobody should be able to resist me!”
Instead of looking into her eyes, I look at the path ahead of us. It’s a narrow, wooden boardwalk, that’s somehow even more shrouded in mist than the town was. The closer we get to her estate, the stronger her magic becomes. That’s why the mist thickens here; we’re getting close.
With a great amount of effort, I plant my feet where I stand and the duchess nearly runs into me. She seems surprised, even a little confused as to why I haven’t kept going forward. Admittedly, every second I stand here it gets harder and harder to resist moving. There’s no need for her to know that though, none at all.
Then I hear another pair of footsteps, this time rushing over from out of the seemingly endless mist ahead of us. Would it be guards, here to drag me to a cell for my disobedience? Maids, here to drag me get fancied up? As the person gets closer, I can see that it’s neither.
My face lights up as I see her. It’s a miracle; she’s here. I’m about to run towards her, pull her into my arms and hold her tight. Before I can though, she runs straight past me into the duchess’s arms.
“Evelyn dear, why are you so far from the estate? I told you I would be back soon. You know I would never abandon you.” She strokes Evelyn’s hair, holding her tight as she buries her face in the duchess’s chest.
“I’m sorry your grace, I didn’t mean to make you angry. I just needed to be with you and when you weren’t back for lunch I got worried something bad had happened to you…”
Tears stream down my face as I’m helplessly frozen in place by the duchess’s magic. Evelyn is here; she’s right here and yet she’s not here for me. Seeing this, seeing the exchange between the two of them breaks my heart all over again. That’s likely what the duchess intended anyway though.
“I’m not mad dear. I could never be mad at you. I’m just worried you could have gotten lost but I’m so glad you found me. We’re back together, just like we should be.” She gently places a strand of Evelyn’s hair behind her ear before passionately kissing her, pulling her even closer.
Evelyn’s flowing, thin white gown blows in the wind as she jumps into the duchess’s arms, wrapping her legs around her waist. The duchess keeps her hold and starts covering more and more of her body with kisses as they press closer still.
Falling to my knees, I start sobbing. This must be a nightmare, Evelyn couldn’t really be with the duchess now. This must just be an act, it has to be. If it’s not then the pain will rip me apart from the inside out. I try to scream out but I find that my vocal cords are closed up.
Of course I’d be stopped from saying anything. The duchess wouldn’t want her moment ruined. Gritting my teeth, I try to push past her magic but it’s much harder this time. No matter how much I strain, nothing happens, no words come out.
After quite a while, the duchess and Evelyn both have to come up for air. “I love you, I love you and I want you to hold me in your arms forever. It’s the only place I know I’m safe.”
She used to say the same thing to me once, that she knew she was always safe with me. At this point, I’ve been stabbed with a knife and every second of this is just twisting it in deeper. There is no ignoring this, no denying it. Evelyn loves the duchess now, as much as she used to love me.
“Let’s get you home then, Eva, my love.”
It’s those words that finally break me, once and for all. I had thought I was already broken but I know now that I was wrong. The duchess using my nickname for Evelyn, holding her, kissing her, showering her with love, it’s all too much.
“EVA! DON’T LISTEN TO HER! SHE’S A LIAR!”
She turns to me, a brief bit of recognition flashing across her face. Her lips start to form my name but before she can speak, the duchess roughly yanks Evelyn away from me and keeps a viselike grip on her arm while roughly and hungrily kissing her.
Seeing her hurt Evelyn makes me angry enough to get to my feet. Walking forward towards the duchess gets harder with every step, the mist suddenly making me feel like I’m trying to wade through a pit of quickly drying cement. Not that long ago, the duchess wanted me closer and now all she wants is to have me farther away.
When I finally make my way over to her she doesn’t even have time to process what’s happening as I drive my fist into her nose, causing a satisfying cracking sound to echo in my ears as she bleeds. Evelyn screams, bursting into tears and desperately trying to staunch the flow of blood.
“You’ll be alright your grace, I promise. I’ll stay right here with you. I’ll never leave your side, ever.”
Just as quickly as it started though, the blood flow stops and I watch as her nose repairs itself. Letting out a cry of relief, Evelyn starts frantically kissing the duchess, holding her close. Any moment the two of us might have had is gone.
“Evelyn dear, be a good girl and go to sleep for me. You must be tired. When you wake up, everything will be set to rights.”
“Of course your grace. All I ask is that you stay with me, please.”
“Don’t worry my love, you and I will never be apart again.” With those words, the duchess scoops Evelyn up into her arms and she promptly falls asleep. Once she’s sure Evelyn is out cold, the duchess’s manner changes drastically as she fixes me with a cruel glare.
“This will be your punishment Emma. Being forced to watch as I shower her with love and hold onto her for every minute of every day. She’ll be so caught up in my eyes and my charm that she’ll never even do so much as spare you a glance for as long as she lives. You certainly aren’t the first person who sought her revenge by trying to hurt me but you will be the last. If anything bad happens to me, it will cause Evelyn so much grief and worry. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to put the woman you love in pain, now would you?”
Her tone is so condescending that I half consider breaking something else, like her legs. Still, as much as I hate the duchess, I love Evelyn even more. I would help her escape this place one day because eventually the duchess would slip, and I would be waiting.
As if she can read my mind, the duchess lets out a low chuckle. “Oh Emma, don’t even bother. She will never love you again, especially after I finish restructuring her. I should almost thank you for punching me and breaking my nose; that real memory will make it so much easier to make you the villain in her mind.”
“And no matter what you do, I will fight for her. You can’t keep this up forever; she’ll eventually learn the truth and we’ll leave this whole world behind us!”
She places a gentle kiss on Evelyn’s forehead which makes her face light up with a small smile, even in sleep. “And no matter what you do, she’ll fight for me. After all, I am the one she loves.”
I feel cold inside. I hadn’t thought of it like that. Regardless though, I would still fight and I would still win. Good always triumphs over evil, the stories can’t all be wrong.