“Aye Mel grab a beer man. You been cuffed up with your girl all the time you never have time for your boys anymore.” Martin said as he lit up his Newport. Martin was my boy of ten years. He had my back through every situation. When I was locked up back in 2012 he held me down. He put money on my books and shit and held secrets that even my girl Natasha didn't know. “Man my girl just had a baby man. I gotta be a father before anything.” I shook the ice off my Budweiser and crack it open taking a sip off of it as a dapped him up. Natasha, my now fiancee, had just had our son, Nathan about four months ago. Natasha and I had been struggling in our relationship from the moment I found out she was pregnant. I loved her. I still love her. With the changes that come with being a parent hit, we started hitting rock bottom. “Shit man I understand. You know I got that baby momma shit going on you feel me so I get it.” he ashed his cigarette and took a drink from his beer. “Shit man you see your boys on the weekend man. You are bullshitting.” I said teasing him. It was true. Martin and Tiffany, his baby momma, broke up years ago. She never was on his ass about taking care of his kids. All she wanted was him to spend time with them and that's all he does. He chuckled back respecting my honesty. “Man all I'm saying is don't forget your boys.” I spent most of the day over his crib doing what we do as boys and that day turned into an everyday thing. It gave me some relief from the stress at home so every chance I could get to get out the house I would. One night after chilling with the boys I came home to chill. I walked into our bedroom and Natasha was up with Nathan screaming to the top of his lungs. To be honest I wanted to leave. It seem like she could never get him settled and the house was starting to become a mess. “Damn Mel. It's almost two in the morning. What you forget we existed,” Natasha said with tears running down her face.

“Tasha don't start that shit and what's wrong with him man. Calm his ass down.” I argued back aggressively. “Well damn Mel what the hell do you plan on doing around here? All you do is chill with that nobody Martin all day.” she grabbed Nathan up trying to calm him down the best she could. “See this the shit I'm talking about. You always trying to argue. Man I'm about to go. I don't got time for this shit.” I pushed passed her, grabbed my phone and my keys and I left. I drove back to my boy’s house and turned my phone off. At this point, I was sick of this with Natasha. She hasn't been the same since the baby. I was starting to regret getting her pregnant. We've been trying for over a year and things just began to change soon after that. Don't get me wrong I love my son, but the arguing and all the emotions were making me want out of the relationship. I drove back up to Martin’s crib and I noticed him laughing from a distance. “Man I'm not in the mood,” I said getting out of the car. “Bro she already called looking for you. Shit man y'all will be good don't even stress it.” he passed me a bottle of tequila and a cigarette to try to calm me down. I took a few hits of my cigarette and took the bottle to the head and chilled for the rest of the night. It was going on three in the morning. Martin came over to me drinking whatever was left of the tequila hitting his last cigarette. “Don’t come fucking with my bro.” at this point I was drunk and tired all I wanted was some sleep. “Nah man I was just coming to see if you were alright.” I grabbed what was left of the liquor out of his hand and took it to the head. “shit man I'm just tired of the bullshit with her.” I replied. “Do you love her?” He asked. I took a pause. I knew I loved her, but I wasn’t sure if I was in love with her anymore. “Look man you and Tasha been rocking for a long time. I know this sound strange coming from me, but if you love that woman and y’all can get through the tough times y’all will be okay.” I knew he had a point and I knew him being my boy he wanted the best for me. We finished the last of the bottle and went to bed. “Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom!” There was a loud knock at the door. “Ayo is Mel here?” I heard somebody ask at the door. I hear Martin mumble something to the guy at the door. “It’s Natasha bro…she might not make it.” I scrambled to me feet in total shock. What could have possibly happened. “Ayo what’s going on?” It was my brother Matthew at the door. “Aye Mel Natasha was found at the house on the floor not responding. We tried to call you but..” “What the fuck where is she?” I interrupted. “Bro they just picked her up. She’s on her way to the hospital. We called you about ten times.” My heart dropped to my feet. What could have happened? Did somebody do this or did she do this to herself? Was she sick? Where the fuck was Nathan? Where is Nathan? I had so many questions. I hurried to my car and speed off. I had tears streaming down my face as my heart was pounding out of my chest. I had to call her. I couldn’t believe this had happened to her. “Hey It’s Natasha. Sorry you couldn't reach me.” Her voicemail said. I kept calling getting the voicemail once again. “Come on Tasha pick up baby. Pick up.” I was doing 90 in a 55. I swerved off the road trying not to lose my life getting to her. It had began to rain and it began to rain hard. I couldn’t see. I had to stop to get myself together. “Tasha what the fuck!” I screamed. I took a few breaths and got back into my car. I called Tasha’s mom but I got no response. I was beginning to feel sick. I looked back over my call history. Tasha called me over 15 times. I felt like shit. “Was the argument even worth it” I thought to myself. I was hyperventilating trying to keep my composure. I called her again and again coming to the conclusion that my girl, my baby, my Tasha was gone. I called one final time and I finally got a response. It was her mother. “Tasha, Tasha baby it’s me Mel.” I yelled through the phone. “Mel this is her mother. Where are you?” “I’m on my way Ms. Paula. Where is she? What happened?” I started to get feeling in my body again. “She’s stable. She overdosed apparently. Where the hell were you. It’s almost six in the morning.” I could tell she was worried about Natasha and was curious as to why I wasn’t there to stop her. Her questions irritated me, but I answered understanding how it felt to be a worried parent. “We got into it so I left. Can we see her?” I asked. “Just get down here Mel. She needs you.” The call ended. I slowly approached the hospital. I ran inside in a panic. My heart was pounding. “Natasha is she here? Natasha Fasion is she here? I frantically asked. “Sir calm down. Who are you?” the nurse at the desk. “He is with me.” Natasha’s mom replied. We rushed back upstairs as fast as we could. Ms. Paula directed me to the window of Natasha's room. She laid there. A bit pale yet peaceful. I was lost for words. I could hear the sound of her beautiful heartbeat. It was the most beautiful song I've heard in my life in that moment. “She’s recovering well. They said if your brother wouldn’t have stopped by to pick up Nathan she probably wouldn’t have made it. Where were you Jamel?” She seemed disturbed about my absences. I promised to take care of Natasha and protect her. I failed her. “Ms. Paula we were arguing. I left to clear my head. How was I supposed to know this would happen?” We both paused as we glared back at Natasha. “You know me and her father have been married for 35 years. It hasn’t been easy but one thing we have always done was protect each other. Now I’m not saying you haven’t. I know you are good man but I will say whatever it was that brought you guys to this point, she took a long pause, it wasn't worth it.” I didn't respond. “She’s spoke with me about her struggling with depression since the baby. I'm not taking sides by any means Jamel. I'll just say no matter what you guys go through stick together.” I know she meant well. Mr. Larry, Natasha’s father, was beginning to fall sick. I could only imagine what Ms. Paula was going through. 35 years was a long time and I know through those 35 years her and Mr. Larry had been through a lot. You could see the pain in her eyes. Their story was in her gaze. I respected her advice knowing she genuinely understood. “Jamel whatever the situation. Leave it in the past and move forward.” She left my side to take some time to let everything sink in. I stood their gazing at my beautiful fiancee. My heart broke. I let her down. I let us down. “Hi are you her for Natasha Fasion?” it was her doctor. “Yes, yes I am,” I replied hoping he had good news. “She’s recovering well. Right now she's getting some rest. Visitors are allowed but limited so she is getting the rest that she needs. You are welcome to go inside.” I nodded and thanked him as I walked inside the room. I could barely stand to see her like this. Her eyes slowly opened. “Mm..Mel? Hey. I'm so embarrassed.” she closed her eyes slowly in shame. “Baby their isn't anything to be ashamed about it's just me and you.” I moved the hair from her eyes and kissed her on the forehead. “You know when you left I wasn't even angry with you anymore. I realized I haven't communicated what I've needed with you enough. I think if I had told you I was having a hard time bouncing back after having Nathan this wouldn't have gotten this far.” I remained silent for once and let her speak. “It’s not like you really left the house anyway.” she smirked. “What do you mean baby?” I asked. “Having Nathan around and him acting just like you I could never get rid of you.” She laughed, and if I hadn't been so relieved to see her alive, I might have laughed too.