The after party crept like the shadows. A night full of dancing, drinking and socialising had just culminated. Now the only drink I’ll be imbibing is the salty richness of my wallowing tears rolling down the ruddy bulges that layed on my face. My eyes shut like show curtains at the end of the play, the end of the day. My body fell to a tight curl like a wilted flower in a forgotten garden. The phosphorescent moon forsake the disarray that my room has become. My black dress stuck to my sweating, tear covered body like there was some sort of glue between the objects. My French tipped hand gently lifted from its resting position behind my back to clasp my ear. As my legs tightly clasped closer to my drum of a chest, I whispered, “The after party to something that shouldn’t of been celebrated.” I suck my teeth as I lose my breath. My voice shaky but serene. “You should of been celebrated. Someone not the something.” My body rolls from the comfort of my side to the safety of my back. My hand fell from the comfort of my ear and clenched the left side of my bed frame. My knuckles paled to a ivory while my fingers pinkened to a shade of rose. My other hand followed gripping onto the right side of my bed frame. My body flat on the stained midnight sheets that laid so disorderly. Eyebrows falling to a state of ire, I watch my chest slowly falter in each rise and fall. My osophogaus choked like my lungs were sat there ready to be regurgitated from my scar clad lips. My lips rubbed against eachother. My hands unhooked from the bed. My body twisted so the flabby front of my stomach was engulfed by the cotton sheets. Slowly, my head twisted to face into my pillow. My hands grasped the pillow’s sides. As my nose smashed against the surface of the pillow, my choked words broke to the surface. A scream. A blood-curdling scream. A blood-curdling scream that would leave you in a pile of skin and bone. A blood-curdling scream that would leave you in a pile of skin and bone escaped my very being. My head stayed buried for a moment or two. “Why Adelaide? Why did you leave me here? Why did you have to go?” I asked the pillow with the worst stutter a person could utter. “Why did you leave me? WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME? IM ALONE NOW IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED WHEN YOU DID WHAT YOU DID? WHEN YOU? When you? When? When? Addy? I love you. I love you so much. It’s killing me. That you. You. You. Me? We? Addy? What about me? Did you stop to think about me when you? When you? WHEN YOU LEFT ME HERE?” I screamed. I felt all my emotions flood from my fingers and my toes. Every fibre of my being felt an excruciating sensation that drowned my conscious. My head snapped to the corner of my room. My head snapped to where that symbolic picture hung. That beautiful picture of me. That beautiful picture of me and Adelaide. That memory runs through my brain like a hurricane. Snapshots of sharing ice cream and running in our tiny bikinis into the golden beach. Where the sun beamed and the air wafted of sugar. When our hands were glued together forever. Where we promised to never let go. To never say goodbye. My head snaps back to my pillow. As the sogginess of the pillow that was drowned in my tears met my cracking lips and perspiring forehead, my pulsating, crimson cheeks began cooled. The air around me tickled my nose hairs with lingering scents of suqar and strawberries. My bed beneath me felt more like a towel. My left hand raised and with a quick smack. My body dropped back from my imagination to the dusty reality. My body laid flat on my bed. Old pictures of Addy around my room smashed. My computer open on my desk exhibiting emails from my mum. From the outer corner of my eye, I read one. “Hey baby, I know this has been a hard week for you with Addy and that but I hope your okay x please call me or email me or even just give us a ring! Baby, I love you so much and I know it’s hard but Addy would want you to try and be brave for her. Xx” My body arises from my bed. My knuckles slam aggressively on the mattress. I swivel my body. Sitting cross legged on top of my bed. I shout with all my passion and heart, “NO ADDY CANT WANT ANYTHING! ADDY HAS NO FEELINGS! SHES DEAD! WHY DOES EVERYONE ACT LIKE SHES JUST GONE TO MALLORCA! ADDY IS DEAD! AND SHE DIDNT EVEN CARE ABOUT ME! SHE JUST WENT AND JUMPED AND DIDNT EVEN CARE ABOUT ME! ADDY HAS NO FEELINGS! Addy. She’s. Dead. Addy. Is. Dead. Addy. Is. Dead.” I clamber from my bed to the glass covered floor. I pick up a sharp shard. With all my might, I launch the shard at the picture of us at the beach. I pull myself towards my computer. Acuminate pieces of glass scratching on my shins. A thick, scarlett ooze painted my floor. My cuts laid fresh and deep. I reach my computer and drag it to the floor with me. “Don’t you dare give me this pep talk rubbish. You don’t know what it’s like. You don’t know what it’s like to have your best friend pried from your hands at the hospital after you found her body in the crystal waters you used to embrace in together. Don’t tell me you know anything about what it’s like. You weren’t there for me ever before. So why now? Why now when the person who did listen is DEAD. She’s DEAD MUM! Stop acting like she’s in Mallorca and get it in your hollow skull that she is dead!” I type as my fingers collapse. My fingers laid dead and cold on the send button. My body clad in gruesome rashes from contact with my scratchy carpet. My blood legs laid still. My chest fell and rose one last time. I manage to stutter, “Life without you wasn’t life. This after party was no party. Addy? I’m com…”