Are you really going to say that again?

What? You thought it was funny last time.

Yeah, but you’re corny now. Get some new material.

Did I offend you? I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry.

Here you go again.

Jesus.

Don’t you say it.

You sound just like …

Don’t say it!

My ex wife!

I’m leaving!

Fine! Get the fuck out of here, I don’t care! You’re picking a fight out of nowhere for nothing, and it tells me a lot about your character.

Oh right, right, because I’m the asshole here, right? You’re just the innocent victim again, like you never did anything or said anything.

What did I do? What did I say? You have to tell me, I can’t read your mind.

But you can take a hint, can’t you? Last time you said it, I chuckled and rolled my eyes. That’s not encouragement.

Ok, God, I’ll never say it again, I promise.

You don’t get me, and that’s what’s the problem with you. You’re so nice and polite and funny, I don’t even know where I stand with you. Do you even like me or do you just not want to hurt my feelings?

I like you, I like you! What’s the problem, so I made a bad joke. You’re so insecure you take everything so personally.

I don’t! I have a great sense of humor and I can laugh at myself. You’re the one who gets all offended and distant whenever I bring up something you don’t like.

You’re making stuff up, I’ve never done that.

Oh yeah? Yesterday, I asked you not to leave your toothbrush on my sink and you didn’t talk to me for hours.

I was busy at work! I barely noticed when you told me that.

You’re so sloppy, you leave your stuff all over the place.

Ok, can you just tell me this stuff when you notice it? I can be better.

You don’t get it. I don’t want you. You’re a sloppy little boy and I deserve so much more than everything you could ever offer.

Is that what your mother said?

Are you reading my texts?

Answer the question.

I can’t believe this, you little rat. I’m never leaving my phone unlocked again. My conversations with my family are my business, not yours.

She’s ruining another relationship for you.

I want you to come to my apartment and get all your shit and then I want you to never talk to me ever again. I mean it, ever, I’m done with you.

You don’t mean that.

I do, I’ve had enough. I’m not getting any younger and you’re just playing games with me. I need more than this.

Marry me.