It’s always something I can imagine, but never something I can seem to get. If that’s even the right word.

I’ve learned to keep to myself. If I let too much of myself out, they always walk away. Am I too much? Am I not enough? I don’t understand.

It always seems to be just out of reach.

But why?

Every time, he walks away. Every. Time.

What am I doing wrong?

Sharing too much?

Caring too much?

Is me simply being there too much?

I’ve been described as overbearing, so now I just describe myself as extremely introverted & socially awkward (w/ bad social anxiety), & I very much keep to myself.

Unless you’re someone who’s close/good friends w/ me, in which case I can be myself completely around you.

I actually feel bad bc when I have a crush on someone, I don’t mean to but by habit I get nervous, choke up, overthink, & wind up just closing myself off. I’ll ask questions abt you when I work up the courage, but I don’t really share anything abt myself bc I have a tendency to over share & I’m afraid of making things awkward.

Mess It Up by Gracie Abrams? Yeah, that’s me.

It’s always right there; but always out of reach.

- so close, yet so far -