Hospitals are funny. You could be with a loved one, sharing an ice cream, sharing old stories, and in a blink, everything will disperse. There are no more memories to think about back then, instead, you focus on the bad news. Or maybe, you focus on the news you are about to get. 

     My thoughts got rudely interrupted as a nurse started walking towards my aunt. I could feel my hands curl into fists, and my shoulders tensed. Quickly, my aunt stood up to hear the news. She must’ve been more tired then I feel, her heart rate more elevated. The words were spoken, I’m sure of it. I just couldn’t hear them myself. At the moment, everything seems inaudible. Thinking about how I’ll feel once I hear the words, _“he is dead.” _Yet they tell me not to think that far ahead yet. Maybe I’ve already come to accept this fate. The fate of another end. 

     “Thank you.” My aunt said softly, and the nurse nodded in response. “Chloe, aren’t you tired?”

     The only thing I could do was shake my head. A lie. Quickly, a time period flashes from the back of my mind.

      _“You shouldn’t lie to your elders, you know.” _My cousin would say, _“that’s dishonest.” _The words seem so distant, but so close. Weakling, is the word I thought, swallowing a lump in my throat. I looked up from the tiled floor, the lights were fluorescent, tinted an ugly blue.

     This couldn’t be happening to me. I inhaled, closing my eyes and smelling the hint of hand sanitizer in the air. Exhale. Focus. **_Focused_**_. “Whenever I’m nervous, I listen to my surroundings. Figure out where you are, Charcoal. It works. Trust me.” _His words replayed in my mind. 

     “I’m as scared as you are, hun.” My aunt mumbled, looking at me. Her arms were frail, she was getting old too. 

     I tried to make eye contact with her, chewing the inside of my cheek. Something that’s also funny. Time doesn’t wait for you. It’ll keep ticking, and it survives on no one. It is independent. Time can’t be on anyone’s side, and certainly, it can’t be on mine. I start to open my mouth, “what did…” my voice soft, “the nurse say about him?” Trying to be as calm as I could. In reality, I was shaking. My hands were fidgeting, and my mind was running.

     Pursed lips. That is a bad sign, and it makes me flinch. I could feel the sadness in my heart weighing deeper, drowning. “The only thing we can do right now is pray.” She responds. Any moment, I can break into a sob. Even though this wasn’t my first circus. My mom quit, and my dad fell off the rope. Who had seemed to be my brother is now in a room, with no one. He could be breathing his last breaths now. “Colin is strong.”

     _I know, _I want to tell her, _but he needs us! _And I needed him. Forcing emotions down has always been a struggle, but something I get used to over time. 

     Another memory flashes. 

     _“There’s nothing wrong with getting what you want from time to time,” Colin says to me, grabbing the ice cream from the cashier and handing it to me. _

_     I shrug, “I suppose. Most people state how it’s a waste of money.” _

_     That’s when Colin pulled me to the side, “but if you are happy with it, and if it’s good?”_

_     The sun was warm that day, the sunlight pouring on us. I mumble, “yeah.” _

_     Colin raised an eyebrow, “what was that? I couldn’t hear you, Charcoal.”_

_     I rolled my eyes, “I said ‘okay.’”_

_ “I love you, Charcoal. Don’t forget that. We’re family, and we stick together.”_

_ Nodding, I pulled him into a hug. One I wish to never had let go. _

_ _    Suddenly, all the memories I’ve ever experienced with Colin flash in my vision. It was getting harder to breathe in such a crowded room. Conversations grew louder, whispering and clicking on phones made me shutter. The ringing in my ears were pressing down as I sit. The feeling of my aunt putting a hand to my leg was numb.

     Faint sirens knocked me out of my thoughts once again. Glaring, I saw lights signaling in the patient area, and the double doors started to close. My eyes widened, and I took a step. Finding myself gasping for air, realizing it could be Colin.

Now running, I banged on the door. “LET ME SEE HIM!!” I screamed, banging harder and harder. The door of fate is strong, but I kept pleading. Tears streamed as I crumbled to the floor, hopeless. Cold. I stayed silent as the sirens went off, but the air vent buzzing was even louder from my side. My heart weakened, and eventually, the alarms turned off. I put my head against the wall, crying. 

     Hospitals. They are funny. They always somehow take my family’s life. Memories fade with people, and mine are disappearing with them.