As I lay on the ground staring up at the sky I wondered, “where did you go?” and “Why did you have to leave?” I loved you with my entire heart, with all of my soul and you left me here to be lost and alone. I lay here in this damp field and wonder why I was never enough for you, I close my eyes and picture the look on your face when you told me that this wasn’t what you wanted, that I wasn’t what you wanted. A tear escapes and makes its way down my cheek and falls onto the ground, this field, this spot, this beautiful patch of grass is where you first told me that you loved me, that I was your everything and you would never leave me. That night you told me I was all you ever wanted and you would never even dream of hurting me. Looking back on all of this I should’ve known better, I should’ve known it was to good to be true, I should’ve know that your eyes held nothing but pity and the words that left your lips were nothing but false dreams. But yet as I lie here, in this place that once I held so close to my heart and think about how much you’ve destroyed me...I still can’t stop myself from loving you. You have torn my heart out and stomped on it, you’ve grabbed my soul and swallowed it; I have cried so much in the past 24 hours, I haven’t cried this much since my family left me. But even so...I love you. I love you with my entire being and it’s haunting me that I know it’s going to take some time, a long time, to feel whole again; I know that I’m going to miss you and wish for you more than I’m going to want to pull myself together again. But I also know that I have to forget you. I’m not naive enough to think that I can wish you back into my life when you left with such purpose. So as I lie here in this field that was once my heaven, I start to think of my life without you; I’m scared but I’m not a coward and I know deep down that I will make it through this. I think of how I’ll fix my apartment to not remind me of you, of how I’ll finally go see that ballet that you never wanted to take me to, I’ll also get to adopt a kitten I’ve always wanted but couldn’t because you were allergic; and in this moment of peace my tears stop, my heart starts to feel as if it’s getting filled again, slowly but surely. In this moment as I lay in this field, I open my eyes and smile. I’ll be okay.